Viva la Mami

104. How to Manage Your Energy Without the Mom Guilt with Jessica Lynn Rojas

• Jessica Cuevas • Season 4 • Episode 104

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In this episode, we welcome Jessica Rojas, a certified health and wellness coach, work-life balance expert, and founder of Jessica Lynn Wellness. She shares her insights and strategies on maintaining balance and managing energy effectively. We dive into the myths of the 50/50 balance and explore practical tips for prioritizing self-care, setting realistic goals, and breaking free from societal and cultural expectations. Jessica addresses the cultural conditioning many Latinas face, where being constantly busy is seen as a badge of honor, and helps us reframe these limiting beliefs.

This episode is especially valuable for Latina moms who are struggling to balance their various roles and responsibilities while maintaining their sense of self. Whether you're a working mom, stay-at-home mom, or preparing for motherhood, this conversation offers valuable insights for creating a more balanced, fulfilling life that honors both your cultural heritage and personal well-being.

For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode104

Key Topics Covered:

  • Why the popular "50/50 work-life balance" concept is a myth and what to focus on instead
  • How to break free from cultural conditioning that makes us feel guilty for prioritizing rest
  • The game-changing shift from time management to energy management
  • Practical strategies for managing your energy as a busy mom
  • How to identify and overcome the "mind drama" that keeps us exhausted
  • Ways to build your own support system when you don't have family nearby

Connect with Jessica Rojas!

Feeling overwhelmed by navigating cultural expectations and modern parenting as a Latina mom? Join Balanced Madrehood, Viva la Mami's signature coaching program designed to empower Latina moms to create a more balanced and fulfilling madrehood journey.  Head over to vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood to learn more!

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do you find yourself constantly rushing through life? Trying to be everything to everyone while your own wellbeing takes a back seat? Are you tired of feeling guilty for taking time for yourself? Or struggling to find. Find balance between. Your career and family. Life. If you're not in your head, then you're not alone. Today we welcome. I'm Jessica Rojas. From Jessica Lynn. Lynne wellness. Jessica. It is a certified health and wellness coach and work-life balance expert. And she's dedicated to helping women of color in corporate and nine to five jobs, reclaim their time and energy. Just empowers her clients to break free from hustle culture, and create space for what truly matters, whether it's family. Self care. Or simply enjoying life without sacrificing their career. goals or wellbeing. Through personalized one-on-one coaching just guides her clients in defining their own version of balance setting boundaries and creating the time and energy to be fully present for themselves and their loved ones. And this episode, Jessica shares her insights and strategies on maintaining balance and managing energy effectively. She also opens up her own journey from career-driven burnout to a life of intentional living and wellness. We dive into the myths of the 50 50 balance and explore practical tips for prioritizing self care. Setting realistic goals and breaking free from societal and cultural expectations. A key insight from our conversation is understanding that rest is in a reward to be earned. Rather it's essential for our wellbeing. And I always say that, especially. On social media, but also through this podcast. Jessica addresses the cultural conditioning, many Latinos face, where being constantly busy as seeing as a badge of honor and helps us reframe these limiting beliefs. This episode is especially valuable for Latina moms who are struggling to balance their various roles and responsibilities while maintaining their sense of self. Jessica's approach combines cultural understanding with practical wellness strategies. Helping you move from survival mode to truly thriving. Whether you're working moms stay at home mom or preparing for motherhood. This conversation offers valuable insights for creating a more balanced, fulfilling life that honors both your cultural heritage. And personal wellbeing. So please stay tuned. As we welcome our guests, Jessica.

Jessica:

Hola, hola Jessica. How are you? I am doing well. Happy to finally come out. Yes, I'm so excited for you to be here at we met during the movement in Chicago or earlier this fall. And it was just amazing to be surrounded with all of these amazing Latinas, but I felt like you and I connected well, because we talked a lot about just like, how do we balance our lives as busy women? And I'm loving all what. You're doing. And so I'm really excited for you to be here, to share your expertise and just to give some tips to my moms, especially as we lose our sense of identity and understanding how we can balance our lives or professional lives and how that can be surrounded with this identity as well. And so before we delve into the conversation though, if you can share a little bit more about you, if you can tell our listeners more about yourself, Yeah. Yeah. So I'm Jessica Rojas.

Jessica Rojas:

I'm originally from LA. Um, but now I'm living in the Sacramento area. It's in Northern California. I am an eldest daughter to Mexican and Salvadorian immigrants. My mom is from El Salvador. My dad is from Mexico, but I grew up, I was mostly with my mom and I have four sisters and, um, definitely, you know, I grew up with, yeah, my mom, but with my grandma and my sias and everyone around. So, um, you know, the whole Latino culture of having everybody. Everybody there everyone support each other and having an entire village, which was really great. And, um, and I think that I, I miss that I don't see that as often anymore at least our generation like not being around like their entire family, and I'm not a mom yet but you know, soon to be one hopefully. Yeah, and I always think about those things, right? It's just like my upbringing and being around my whole family at first, and now everyone's like spread all over the place. And like, then my sisters live anywhere near me. I'm like, what am I supposed to do when I become a mom?

Jessica:

Yeah, who fits such a struggle? And especially because you grew up in a, Uh, in a close knit community. That's how I grew up too. I had my abuelita, we lived in a multifamily home where it was my grandma on the main floor, it was us on the top floor and then some other tíos on the bottom floor. And it was all community, right? And everyone depended on each other. If one person was working while the other person was cooking so that everyone can be fed. Yeah. And you know, it's like. It's just me and my husband. We're trying to figure this out and we are our own kind of community, our own little village, but it does make it very complicated when you need the help and the help isn't there at your disposal compared to the way that we grew up and so it's definitely a challenge and I'm glad that you recognize that. And hopefully you and your partner can kind of figure out how this will look like once you're ready to start a family because it kind of shocked me because I was so reliant on my family, and now I don't have them so close either.

Jessica Rojas:

Yeah, that that's one of the things for me honestly like that I'm like, uh, you know, finally ready in my life to, to start a family. To be a mom and that, but then I'm like, Oh, how am I going to do it? Like not having family around and, um, having to like figure it out on your own. And I know that you end up finding your community and finding your village, but uh, I guess, especially like you said. Both of us growing up in a environment with like, you know, your Tia was next door, your grandma was there, somebody was always looking out for each other and making sure people were fed, taking care of, taking to school. So, um, with outside it's like, yeah, you have to put your big girl pants and like figure out how to, how to find those communities that are not maybe your family, but that they can become people that are like family. Yes. Absolutely. Yes.

Jessica:

And yeah, yeah. And I think that it's also a way for us to be open to whenever help is being offered because sometimes we're very reluctant because they're not family or we believe that we may not trust them or you know, yeah, yeah. But I think that that's what we should be open to accepting help when needed. So yeah. Yeah.

Jessica Rojas:

Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. I'm a hundred percent agree with that. I think.

Jessica:

Yes. Well, Jessica, you are a wellness coach. So tell us a little bit more how that led you into becoming this. And if you can tell us what really inspired you to become a wellness coach.

Jessica Rojas:

Yeah. So my background is in public health and I've worked in that industry for years. Um, I mostly do more of like the business side of healthcare, but my passion has always been preventative health. And even before I got my math barriers, I became so Certified as a health education specialist, and then like throughout my own personal journey, wellness has always been what has helped me managing like my mental health managing with just my health overall. I just know how important it is, especially for communities of color, where we are, um, you know, disproportionately we have the highest risk of so many health concerns. And a lot of them can be prevented just by your lifestyle changes it doesn't even require too much so for me like that's something that's so important, especially as I see, like, you know, My family aging like my you know, grandparent that passed away like my, you know, aunt and uncles aging and just seeing how important it is for you to like start early to take care of yourself because you know we only have this one body, we only have this one life. And if you can just make small changes in your life, like early on, then it can prevent like a lifetime of illnesses. So for me, that like has always been important. So while you know, still having my career, I decided, okay, well, what can I do to support myself? still be able to pursue like my passion for wellness and preventative health. Um, so yeah, so I became a health, uh, I became certified as a, um, health and wellness coach. And the more I learned about the industry, then I learned about entrepreneurship, which like, I didn't think about starting a business for me. It was like, how can I just like help people in this capacity? Um, As like my passion project or something, or maybe I get a part time job as a coach. And then I was like, wait, I can have my own business. Those are, yeah, that was like a happy bonus. It wasn't, I wasn't actually pursuing to start a business. It was more like I learned about it. And I'm, and just the flexibility of having your own business and being able to design, um, the coaching and the program, the way that. Can, you know, bring in my expertise and public health and like behavior change models, and just how can I design a program that is specific to the communities that I want to work with and that I'm passionate in working with. So yeah, a lot of it was like the flexibility and just like having more independence if you have your own business.

Jessica:

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I've also encountered entrepreneurship and I had no idea and I'm still learning, you know, and, but I think that's the beauty of it where you can grow and trying to see if there are any missing gaps with the community that you want to serve. And I think that with you utilizing your public health expertise, you are definitely niching towards a specific kind of audience. And, and yeah, so as a Latina wellness coach, like you emphasize that rest isn't a reward, but essential. And for many Latina moms, that is something that we struggle with. We, uh, and, and I think it's just society and culturally speaking, right? Like moms are the ones who are always tired that we don't sleep all the time because either we're. Okay. preocupadas or we're going through the postpartum phase where we don't sleep often. And obviously we all go through seasons of life where it's going to be a part of our lives for a little bit, but then as we progress in. Other seasons, like we, for some reason, still don't adapt to acquiring sleep and, and a healthy sleep. Um, and so what cultural or generational patterns have you observed that makes it challenging for Latinas to prioritize on self care and how do you help them rewrite these sort of narratives that we grew up seeing our mamas, tias, abuelas, and all of that?

Jessica Rojas:

Yeah, no, exactly what you said. Like a lot of it is like cultural conditioning. And, and actually that is kind of what led me with working with women of color in particular, and around like this work life balance or what, what is even work life balance, right? Because it's like, I, I've noticed a lot of patterns, especially around, um, things that we grew up seeing, right? So like you said, you grew up seeing your Tia's, your mom, Joella, just always working hard, never taken a beat, like never like sitting down. And if you were sitting down, they'll look at you like, why are you being a Wawona? You're not doing nothing. Like. So it's ingrained in us that, like, being inactive means you're not doing something, means that you're lazy. And also, like, we've seen our parents or, like, our moms, like, do everything and be everything for everyone. And in our culture, too, like, selflessness is seen as something to be pride, like, something to be proud of. And seen as like, that is how you show love and devotion. But it does, you don't really see self love or self care as being something that is celebrated. It's something that is valued. So again, it's like these things that you grow up with, and like, you might not even think of it and logically your life, I know rest is important. But subconsciously, like, you still have those like beliefs and they'll have those, um, Fears or guilt when you are taking time for yourself, when you are, um, you know, just taking it easy, then you feel like, wait, I should be doing something. I'm not doing something. I'm not being a good mom. If I'm just like laying here with my kid, I could be, you know, clean the house or I could be doing something else. Right. So you always have like that guilt or shame in the back of your mind, because I'd like seeing something different. And then this. And that didn't really model rest. It didn't model self care to you. So it's definitely for like our generation to shift that to like break that cycle. And, you know, for our parents and their past generations, like maybe they didn't have a lot of options and choices to be able to like take some time to rest. So for them, it was something that had to be earned. But like we have so many more opportunities and choices and a chance to like change these things to change the cycle so that like our future kids, or like future generation, don't have to be like having the condition and that we grew up with.

Jessica:

Yes. Yes. And it's all about what's important for you versus what's something that you're willing to give up, really. And I think often about our toddler right now, well, I have technically two toddlers, but the one that's more vocal and older, he's almost four. We give up choices. You choose this or that. And so we're doing this, but why can't we also practice that, right? Making our own choices. Yeah. And yeah, and I, you know, we want to make sure that our kids have that ability to choose between two things. So that way they can move on or prioritize on their own pursuits, but we don't bring that back to us. And why is that? You know, when we're often socialized and even like through a cultural lens, we just believe that women can do it all, right? Okay. We are, and we need to hustle. And if you're not, then you're not being a good

Jessica Rojas:

mom or something. Exactly. Doing it. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And the whole thing you said about rewriting it, it's just like, really, it takes like a lot of like, self awareness, right? So you like noticing those things. Like I'm noticing that I'm exhausted and reaching my limit, but I'm still trying to like, live for this like should then like trying to do these things. So just like understanding that rest is not making you less committed. Rest is not meaning that you're not doing enough. It's actually going to expand your capacity to do things. And not just rest, but like self care, like when you are pouring into yourself, especially as a mom, you're able to like give Be able to give more, because if you're not pouring into yourself, you're literally given from an empty cup. And then you're not even able to be present for your kids. You're not able to be like enjoying that quality time. Instead, you'll be irritable. You'll be exhausted. You'll physically be there, but then your mind and your body would be some, or, you know, your mind would be somewhere else. And like that, I'm sure that's math, the kind of. Time that you want to be dedicating or the, that you want to be. With your family that way where you're just so exhausted that you're like physically there, but mentally you're

Jessica:

right, right? Yes. And I often wonder with my experience, and I don't know if this was something that you also witnessed with your mom or any other mujeres that you grew up with, but just like how you said a lot, like I've witnessed my mom always being irritable. I've always seen her being in a hole now, you know, like, and, And even my grandma, like all of them had like this very strong character where they were never like at ease. They were never like, you know, you know, it was always like, we need to go. Vamonos. Like, you know, it was always like, we're. under this resting. Yeah, sure. Yeah. And rushing. And, and it's, I understand that maybe it was mostly out of survival or we needed to get into a certain place. And for me, now that I'm raising my kids, I'm like, okay, how can I be a little bit more present without having them feel this constant rush the way that I grew up with

Jessica Rojas:

that anxiety. And like that anxiety and like, You know, I'm not a mom, but I have a dog. So like during the puppy phase, I was always like that too. I was just like, I don't know what to do and like irritable and like, I'm like, Oh my God, this is training me for sure. Because I'm like, okay, this is not how I want to be when I have like a little kid running around and you know, you're sleep deprived and stuff like that. But, but yeah, it's like, that's the energy that we're giving others. And like, as a mom, that's the energy you're giving out to your kids. Then like as. You know, beams, we are all energy and like all of that, like, you know, when you're around people who are in a bad mood, you feel that when you're around people with high anxiety, you feel that. So it's like, is that how you want to model to your children? And is that like what you want them to think of mommy and being, um, you know, like 10, 10 anxiety and, you know, a lot of times, like you said, you know, You're still trying to figure it out, especially if you're newer to being a mom. So it's not to say that if you're irritable or if you have anxiety, that that's a bad thing, but it's more of like a recognizing that like, Oh, I'm feeling exhausted. I'm feeling irritable and like pausing and being like, Oh, like, like I'm feeling this way. Like, what can I do it in that, in that moment? Like, can I take like three deep breaths and that's going to help me calm down? Can I talk to myself? It's like, okay, if you're running late, you're already late. And that was something that demo head on to it's like, you know, trying to rush your kids out of bed when they're running late to school. Like you're already late. Instead of trying to be like, hurry up and get high here. It's like, you're already late. Take a breath, give your kids love, do what you gotta do. And like, it doesn't have to be perfect and that's okay. But the key thing to a lot, when we're feeling like so frazzled, dry, exhausted, it's just like taking a pause and like, Rest could be as simple as taking a pause. If you only have like five minutes, if you have three minutes, like Take a few deep breaths that are like naturally is going to relax your nervous system. It's going to help you like actually clear your mind a little bit because you're not just going to have all that anxiety in your head, um, and allow you to like to make the next move from like a more clear mindset and clear space than just like trying to rush into things.

Jessica:

Yeah, that's valid. And thank you for sharing that because it can serve as a reminder for my listeners, uh, because it is true, you know, just. We, we need to just take a couple of steps back and just like not react to the things that are sometimes out of our control. You know, time is out of our control, but we can make it work for us in on that specific case. So as I was looking at your Instagram and information, you mentioned a lot about the 50 50 balance myth. Can you tell us a little bit more about how we can get rid of that? How you can help it is to be more present and have that balance in terms of making their own kind of realistic version of it.

Jessica Rojas:

Yeah, yeah. And like the whole 50 50 myth is like, you know, you're expected that you give 50% To your job or career or whatever and then 50 to life and I mean, especially as a mom, and I feel like the more identities and responsibilities you have, and all those layers that's all going to require more of you. So it's like, You know, you're one person, you can split yourself evenly into all of your different responsibilities. Like, there's always going to be a time that, like, your work is going to require more of you, or a time that your family is going to require more of you, or a time that you, like, your you yourself, like, it's gonna need more of your attention. So it's like that, like getting out of the idea that you need to be splitting your time or splitting yourself evenly into all of these different identities and responsibilities that you have. So it's like understanding that if all you can give to one area is 20%, then that's, that's enough. If all you can give to another area on another time, is only 5 percent of that's enough. So just getting out of the idea that you need to be perfectly evening out your responsibilities in order for you to like create that balance. So that's when my people are like, balance doesn't exist. That balance doesn't exist, but your version of what's going to, work for you. That's the balance that you're trying to create. And that's like what you should be working towards. Because like something that might work for me is not going to work for you in your life. And that's what I tell people all the time. Like there's so many tools out there. There's so much at five, like, yes, you can, you know, work on managing your time or managing your energy. But if you're not personalizing to what's going to work for you, And like really understand what, what are your needs? What are your values? Like what are your priorities? What's important for you? Once you like have all that, then you can create like, okay, if I value being with my kid, you know, when they get home from school and, you know, spending dinner with them, that how can I make Like the work, my work, like work out so that I have the opportunity in life. Um, I had a client, you know, she was able to like, be more flexible with her work schedule and getting out of that mentality that work has to be, you know, eight to five or nine to five. And then after that, you know, you rush and try to do everything with your kid. So she has the flexibility at work to be able to. Work in the evening. So it's not like, Oh, I'm working in the evening, but it's more like, okay. If I take a few hours. During the day so that I can pick up my kids, you know, help them with homework, be present at dinnertime. Then in the evening I can do the work that doesn't require much of my attention. So like emails, maybe going through presentations, like creating presentations or things like that. So that, that allowed her to be present and not feel like she has to rush out of work to get everything done so that she could be with her kids. But then when she's with her kids, she's exhausted.

Jessica:

Yeah.

Jessica Rojas:

So it's just like realizing that there's. So much that you can personalize for yourself and find like, based on what's important to you, like, everything can be like, you can figure it out, like, if something is important to you, you're going to make it work.

Jessica:

So

Jessica Rojas:

whether if it's a job and that job is not being flexible, then you get another job, because at the end of the day, you know, jobs are replaceable. But like, you're going to be always be a mom and taking into account, like, what are your priorities? If your priorities is like being able to be present with your kids, then you make it work. And it's like finding like goals, gold ways of like, how can I like make it work for me? And, and like, it's not going to look the same for the other mom. It's not going to look the same or like the same as like what our parents did because they. Maybe they don't have those choices of like flexibility and weren't around. And because of that, you feel that you need to like, always like be there with your kids too. So that, that, that's another like conditioning thing. It's like, you know, your parents weren't around because they were always working. Then you feel like you have to like be there. So when you are with your kids, you're like, I need to be perfect. And. Me to like beat their everything, but again, like asking you still like careers important to you, you can still like give it your dedication and your commitment and doesn't make you less of a good mom, right? So it's just like recognizing that you want to take into account, like, what is it that I value? What's important to me and having other things that you care about doesn't mean that you're not a good

Jessica:

mom

Jessica Rojas:

and how can I like design my life in a way that I am able to be like focused and dedicated when I'm in my career and when I was my kid, how can I be focused and dedicated where I'm not thinking about work. And then, you know, when I, when my partner and I'm, when I'm with myself, like, how can I also make time to spend with myself, to like, nourish myself, to give myself so that I can be. Available and be present when I am with other people or like your career, your job or whatever, whatever is made need of your attention.

Jessica:

And I think this is very helpful for new moms on how they can ditch the 50, 50 balance myth, because as I reflect on me. I thought that I had to literally give half of myself towards family and half of myself towards my job and that burned me out. And I, I thought that it just, I had to have the work life balance and everyone talks about work life balance, right? And And that ultimately led me to just like leave the workforce full time. And now I'm in this season where I'm like, crap, like I wish I would have reflected it. I wish I would have, um, had the opportunity to really figure out what my values were really, and how that's aligned with putting in that effort in terms of how I can prioritize, whether if it's my job or my personal life. And it does make it hard, especially when. You know, when we go through this identity shift, when we are fully in this work mode, we are dedicated professionals. And then suddenly you're a mom and it's like, wait, what? Now I have to do something else. And, and it's so much load that accumulates. into our lives that you, then you go through this identity shock and you're just like, well, what, where do I go from here? Right. And so I think what you kind of talked about right now, I think it's so important to really take some time to reflect and figure out, okay, what are my priorities? What are my values? And how does this align in, in, in, in, This current season of life. And like you said, you know, it changes through time. I'm like, wow, where were you four years back?

Jessica Rojas:

You know what you says you with like, you know, things change. And, um, maybe when you did leave the workforce, I'm assuming it's, that's when you were a new mom and, you know, now you have two kids. Like, yes, it's busier, but you kind of also had like that wisdom from the beginning. And, um, it's always important. Like you said, like. Take a step back, like assess like what's important to you, but also like. You know, once you've designed, this is okay. This is what I'm going to be doing. And this is how I'm going to be doing things and designing, like, what is your lifestyle or your life right now? Like always reassess, like always take a look. It's like, is this still working for me? Because it could have been working, you know, the first year, but then now things have changed. Or like now maybe your child is in daycare. So like what was working then, it's not going to work anymore. So it's important to always just like, reassess, is this still working for me? And if it's not like be flexible with, okay, so what do I need to do now then? Um, but it's like, you don't have to like stick to a certain thing or a certain way or approaches. You always have to be reassessing and figure out if that's, if that's still working for you, or if it's not, then. Okay, I'm gonna find a different approach a different way. Um, because you know, life is evolving, things are always happening, things are always changing, like your demands at work might change, your children are growing, they have different needs, and or maybe don't need to ask much. So it's like always reassessing what's going on in your life, what's important in that moment, and how can I, like, make all What I need to do in my responsibilities work for me, not having to work for them. I

Jessica:

think that's a reminder for myself too. With reassessing and it's almost like doing those check ins. We're good at doing that at work. We're willing to check in on our bosses or on ourselves. And I think that on a personal level, we should also be doing that and yeah,

Jessica Rojas:

whether if it's Like a daily check in to see like, how am I feeling? How am I doing this week? Do I need to make some changes in my week? Because you know, today was hard or today was exhausting, but then also like weekly check ins, like I was everything, you know, going this week, monthly check ins, quarterly check ins, like you said, we do that. In our work, we do that in our careers and our life. Is like where it's more important for you to like be, um, kind of reflecting and monitoring and any patterns, identifying any things and then making any changes when needed. Yeah. Yeah.

Jessica:

Wow. That's awesome. Yeah. Well, and, and then you, as I was doing research about you, you mentioned about the energy management over time management model. And so can you break that down a little bit? for us. And, um, you know, how does this ultimately transform into a busy mom's life? Really? Yeah, no, I think

Jessica Rojas:

energy management and probably like people that benefited the most, I would say are moms because, you know, you can have all the time in the world, but if you don't have the energy to like, do the things you need to do, then It's not going to matter. And, and the whole concept was like managing your energy. Like you're still, you know, using time management strategies or like managing your time, but then you are going to prioritize things based on when you have the most amount of energy. You're going to deprioritize things that are energy drainers, things that are taking from your energy, you're going to deprioritize those things or move them into times where it's not robbing your energy. So that's what I like emphasize so much is the importance of like energy management, because that is what's going to Expand your capacity to be able to do all the things that you need to do as a mom. So, um, taking into account, like when are the times of the day that you have the most energy and then you align the path and activities that require you to be fully present, that requires you to do like clinic critical thinking. Um, and again, it's like understanding, I'm understanding my energy levels and understanding when I'm performing at my best. And then, That is a time where I'm going to use for the things that I value and I prioritize. So, you know, whether it's like, okay, I'm going to, you know, take advantage of when I have energy and say like your child has taken a nap and that's when you're going to be doing like the work that requires like, you know, a lot of your productivity, or I'm going to, um, you know, instead of like, you know, Trying to like, I have a list to do thing, a thing that I need to do list, right. Of things I need to do instead of trying to just like, check as much as you can out of them, it's like, okay, I have that list and all of that list, what requires more of my attention. Okay. I'm going to do that in the time that I have the most energy instead of like kind of tackle everything. And then you don't really get through everything on your list because you didn't, you weren't strategic about how you, You did it. And that, I mean, that sounds like very like technical, but is that simple as like understanding when do you have the most energy and then just doing the things like that require your attention, that requiring you to be present, that require you to like make decisions in that time and. And it really helps because, um, instead of like trying to do everything in like those same 24 hours, if you're strategic in how you do that, then you're not going to be burning out. Cause that's like what happens, right? When you're like, I have these 20 things that I need to do. And then I'm like, okay, 1, 2, you know, by the time that you get to like the 15th thing, if you get through it, like you're exhausted, you're burning out. And. That's not going to like help you at all with anything else. So when you're able to like manage your energy and also like it, and it goes more than just like, okay, I'm going to do the thing during that time. But it's like always like popping and seeing, okay, like, how am I feeling now? What do I need? Like, you can

Jessica:

change

Jessica Rojas:

things in the moment. Like, I thought that I was going to have more energy to do this, but now I'm seeing that I'm exhausted. All right. Okay, right now I need a break. Right now I need like a few minutes I need to go take a walk.

Jessica:

And

Jessica Rojas:

that like walk is going to actually and this is also part of like managing your energy. It's like on times where your energy is low or depleted, or you're this something and that was really exhausting. Taking that break, doing something that's going to recharge you. So like going for a walk, or literally just sitting there taking a few deep breaths. And that like allows you to Like, be able to maximize your time, maximize your energy, be able to be present in the times that you need to be present. So you're not just being robbed of all your energy because you know, just you're one person and you have limited energy and depending on. Um, how you use it and how do you, um, you know, give yourself breath, how you nourish yourself bad. Then you're able to like, be there for people and be there in a, in a capacity that you want to be, not just like physically be there, but mentally exhausted.

Jessica:

Yeah. Yeah, it definitely gives perspective about that difference, right? Between time management and energy management. And if we change it to energy management, I think we will be able to be more in tune with our bodies. And kind of like our existence, humans, then these robots, right. That we can just do it at any time of the day and then we feel exhausted or we're not pretty much listening to our bodies and, and the energy that is left. And I have started to go back to therapy after a year. And one of the things that my therapist told me that I used to do Just envision yourself as a battery. Where are you at when your battery is basically empty? Well, what do you do with the battery? You got to reenergize it. Yeah. And so you have to think of yourself as that. Technically our bodies are machines and if we're not giving ourselves enough rest and if we don't give ourselves even the breathing techniques that you shared, It's like, how can we be present? How can we actually have the energy to do the things and not nag? Because I have found myself a lot where I feel like I have to do things at a certain time, because otherwise I won't get to do them, or I feel like I won't have enough time, but in reality, we can make time if we put our energy towards the things that we want to do. And again, it's that give in, give out sort of. technique where you have to prioritize essentially what we want to accomplish and then let other things go. And it, but it does make it hard for many of us who are kind of trying to figure out, okay, well, I want to, You know, we essentially want to embody being this perfect person, but in reality, we are human and it's hard to break from that.

Jessica Rojas:

And that's what I call the mind drama. Cause the mind drama is an energy drinker that is like that whole time that you're spending having that conversation in your head. about, Oh, I need to do this at this time because this, I should be doing this. I want to do this. Like all that is taking like literally energy out of you and you're getting exhausted just by having that conversation in your head. Yeah. And at the end of the day, like the perfectionism that I should do this, the, you know, it needs to be this way. Like all that is. Beliefs are limited beliefs or, you know, false negatives that you're putting onto yourself because it doesn't have to be that way. Like you don't have to do it at that time. You don't need to be perfect. Like those are just things that we are putting to ourselves. And instead of that, it's like, okay, like, when can I do this or what is the best time for me and my energy and my time of the day? For me to do that instead of like, I need, it needs to be done at this time, or it's not going to get that. But like, maybe that's what you've been telling yourself. It's like, when we tell ourselves we're not morning people, I don't want to wake up, you know, at 6 AM. I mean, like today I woke up like. Around like 5 50 or something to, to, if I could see my time to like do this, I could have been like, no, no, I'm not a morning person. I'm not doing a 7 a. m. podcast recording, but it's just like, okay, what, what do I need to do to like, make things work so that I have the energy to be present here and have this conversation with you. And I know that's like a simple example, but it's just like a lot of the things it's like we get in our own way.

Jessica:

And

Jessica Rojas:

it's unnecessary, like mind drama that that in itself is making you exhausted. Like I had a friend who told me that like, um, like she realized the whole mind drama thing in life. Laying in bed and she's a mom, like a new mom to laying in bed, thinking of all the things that she didn't do or all the things she didn't do the next day and that in itself was like making her exhausted. So it's like, it's not that you can't think about what you need to do, but if you're putting like that pressure on yourself, or those demands or those rules of what you need to do or how it needs to be done, or those limitations of like, it can't be done a certain way, then you're just giving yourself like unnecessary drama, exhaustion, and Um, and if you, like, think about those things from a different perspective, in a different, like, mindset, like, yeah, you can think about what you have to do, but, like, how can I be strategic? How can, like, yes, I need to get all these things done. Do I need to get them done in, in one day? Can I move some things to the next day? Like, does it really need to be done today? Like, I feel like a lot of the, a lot of the things that we all need, not just mom, but I feel like especially moms, it's just like, pause, reflect, and then make adjustments based on what is going to work for you in that day. Because even if you plan that week a certain way, or that day a certain way, You're not going to know how you're feeling until that day. So you take it into account, like you said, like recognizing your body and your patterns and your needs. And if the day I thought I was going to be able to do all those things, but. And reality, I can't, that's okay. Things can move to the next day. It's not the end

Jessica:

of the world. Oh, thank you so much for this reminder. And I think that a lot of people are probably gonna be like, oof, she's targeting me, but sometimes you need that head reality check really. And I love how you said about the mind drama concept. And honestly, I never heard of this until I was prepping the questions and you, you know, you were Have these conversations with your clients about how we can break away from those things. And so in the context of Latina moms, what are some of those common mind dramas? You did explain a little bit, but based on what you've noticed, what are some common. issues that really affect Latina moms and how can we manage this? How can we kind of break away from that? Yeah. I mean, some of the things

Jessica Rojas:

that like I've noticed a lot and I mean, it doesn't just, you know, it's not just about moms, but I feel like as for moms, I see it's like there is a higher level of, um, like self imposed expectations and the, I should. Do these and then feeling guilty when you don't do things or feeling guilty when you maybe prioritize other things over your kids and now that you don't care about your kids, but then you feel like, oh, if I prioritize. doing this for myself or hanging out with my friend, then I'm not giving to my kid. So it's like those mindset things that you're just like, it doesn't mean that you're not, that you don't love your kids because you went to coffee with your friend, you know? And it's like, And sometimes it might not be as like silly as that, but it could be like a lot of different reasons or even feeling like you're inadequate, like, Oh, like everyone else is a better mom than me, like, why is it so hard for me? I'm. You know, falling behind, or if you're told maybe it hasn't reached a milestone, is it something that I'm doing, um, over committing or wanting to like, or feeling like you need to do everything. It's like what you said in the beginning, like the, it's okay to ask for help. Like that's so important because I feel like, you know, you are putting all of the like expectations for you to be able to be there for everybody in your house, for you to be able to like. Be like super woman, but like, you can't be everything and every time and there for everybody. And it's okay to ask for help. And it's still important to like lean on your partner. If you have one lean on your community, lean on, you know, other people that are open to like, be part of your village. And that doesn't mean that you're not a good mom or that you're not good at what you're doing. Yeah. It just means that, you know, you are allowing other people to help so that you can show up as your best self. Cause otherwise you're just. showing up, you know, frazzled showing up, like, on crisis mode all the time. And, you know, it's not really be like, you're, you're not showing up as a way that you would want to be there present for your your people for your family for your children. And I think like, the key is, again, it's like, how are they reflecting? Like, is this serving me? Like, is me thinking this thing? Or believing this? Is this serving me? Like me thinking, Oh, I need to like, do this a certain way. Like, wait, is that serving me? Or am I just like setting these false expectations for myself? Or like, you know, when you telling yourself like, Oh, I'm falling behind, I'm failing, I'm not a good mom. Like, okay. Like Pusk. Is this serving me? And it's just as simple as that. And then, okay, so what, if it's not like, how can I change this? Like, what can I do to like, have, you know, more positive thoughts about around it and not just like telling yourself, I mean, actually, it's not a bad idea telling yourself, like, I'm a good mom, but like, how can you give your mind that evidence that you are like, okay, today I did this. Like it might be like simple thing today. I fed my child breakfast. Like I'm not falling behind. I'm not a bad mom today. I sent my kids to school, like just celebrating those tiny wins as it being evidence that you are the things that you think you're not, or the things that you think you lack. And then, you know, giving yourself grace because you're doing the best that you can. And. recognizing that, celebrating the things that you do and just like giving yourself love and compassion.

Jessica:

I love that. And I think, yeah, it's a great reminder for people. And I love how we, we don't recognize the little things, right? Like the little celebrations about the fact that we took our kids. to the park or, you know, to school, like those little things. And for them, that probably would mean the world to them. Like, my mom goes to the park today. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. At least for me, I'm trying to figure out, okay, how can I best meet their needs? You know, their, their needs. They're kind of like struggling a little bit at home. They probably feel a little confined. Okay, what's a creative way for me to take them out? I'm like, you know what? I'm just going to take them to the park. And then, but I love how you put this into, you know, perspective. Like, no, you need to celebrate because this, this is a big thing. It could be a big thing for our kids. And instead of just like taking that energy, right. Towards like thinking, Oh man, I'm not a good mom because they're bored or because I. I'm not creative. Like I often think about that. Like I am not a creative mom because I, and so I blame a lot on social media because you see a lot of moms that are just like creating all these fun, artsy activities and they have all the supplies, all of the toys. And I'm like, Hey, I'm not a good mom because my kids don't have that. Or my kids, you know, your life is different than them. Like they might, well, the support

Jessica Rojas:

that you might have given them. Or resources or they don't have another job or they don't have a job in a business like, like giving yourself credit and not complete. Actually, that. It's probably a huge one that I miss is compare yourself with other comparing yourself to other people. It's like, you don't know their life and what's behind the scenes. And maybe it looks fun and exciting, but what is in underneath all that? She's exhausted. And she's like, I mean, that's a breakdown. Like. We don't know people's lives and they trying to compare our lives to other people. It's like, we don't know what researchers they have that you don't, we don't know like their life and really what's going on underneath all that. And you're doing like you taking them to the park. That's you being as creative as you can in that moment. That's enough because. You know, again, like for kids, they're just happy to have you there. They're just happy to be with you. Happy that they get to get out of the house. And for them, that is as fun as going to Disneyland. But in your mind, I'm like, I'm not creative. Cause I didn't take them to Disneyland. Yeah.

Jessica:

Yeah. Yeah, no, thanks for pointing that out. And I, yeah, and I think it's all about our mindset. It's all about putting perspective and recognizing that these are moments that our kids will have in their core memory instead of just like trying to figure out, am I doing a good job? Why is that mom better than me? Instead of focusing and putting our energy on that, it's definitely important to put our energy towards. our existence and being present. And I love how you talked about giving ourselves grace too, because that's such a big one as well.

Jessica Rojas:

Yeah. And if you see like, you know, that mom that you're like impressed, talk to her, you know, you might get some tips or. Then you also will realize, oh, she has a lot more resources and that's why she can do that. Um, and just like, you know, reminding yourself you or you have what you have and you're making the best of what you have and that's good enough.

Jessica:

Love it. Love it. Yeah. And so, uh, Jessica, when you shared that you were in the professional world and, and all of that, and now you've shifted into a more intentional way of living, like what has your own personal journey with these concepts? How you to work with individuals and how can you guide Mojit is towards a sustainable balance because we often find ourselves in that trap right in that 50 50 balance myth. When did you encounter this? Like, how did you essentially grow out of that too? Yeah, for me, it was actually

Jessica Rojas:

like more out of need. I was really focused on my career and my education for so long. Like I share with you, like I'm the oldest daughter of immigrants. I grew up in LA, I grew up in south central LA. So it wasn't like we had a lot of resources. It's more like lower income communities. And from the moment I can remember, I knew that. My education, what was, what was going to like, help me have a better life. And so I put like all of my energy and all of my efforts into my education and going to college and having a career. So like, that was my identity, my debt, my education and my career was my identity. And then that caused me to burn out. Like I was just neglecting my health, neglecting, like my, like family. Neglecting, like the things that were important. I wasn't dating like it. It really took like a toll on so many areas. But like, what was the wake up call for me was more. It's I had been living with anxiety my whole adult life, and it wasn't like. Until like right after grad school that it got so bad that I needed like professional support that I developed depression or maybe I had and I never even knew. Um, so that like really made me have to reassess, like, what are my priorities? What am I valuing? Like, is this the life that I want to live where I'm just. You know, a slave to my career, my job, because I feel that that defines me because I feel that that gives me worth. And then I was like, okay, I need to make changes. I, number one, I was prioritizing my wellbeing and just, you know, Like that's going to be my number one priority now, but in just like giving it to myself, focusing on nourishing myself and focusing on me that open up a lot of different things in my life and expanded my capacity to like, okay, now family important to me. I moved back to California closer to like my best friend and she's married to my cousin and like have family here in got the dog that I wanted because for so long I'm like, I don't have time for a dog. I'm always like doing things always out of the house. I don't have time for a dog. Again, stories that we tell ourselves.

Jessica:

I

Jessica Rojas:

got my dog, got my apartment and a few years later met my current partner. Like it is just focusing on myself and making that a priority. Um, allowed me to like open up other opportunities in my life, open up other things in my life. I can't, but accidentally creating that balance I needed, even though I wasn't doing it to get the balance, I was doing it because I didn't want to live for it. I didn't like want to jeopardize my house and wellbeing or an identity that I thought was giving me worse where I'm like, I'm already worthy. Because of being me, not because I have this degree or this career. And I mean, I'm still a career driven person. I, but now I recognize what's important to me and what do I value? And I give priority to those things. Because at the end of the day, like my house in my relationship are important and everything else can be replaceable and can be like changed. Like I can have another job I can, you know, and my education and my, like what I know, it's not going to go away. So, but not like letting that define me and like starting off with like, Oh, who are you? Oh, I'm Jess. I have an MTA. I have this career. Like that's, there's more to me than just that. And. It took me a while to like, recognize that and now that I did, like, like I said, accidentally created the work life balance that I needed, um, and You know, now it's trying to help other people and other women. A lot of it, it's like, or like my focus is yes, I help you create work life balance, but before you can even create work life balance, you need to understand what is at the core of your lack of balance. So for me, it was career and it was like around identity, right. And what I thought made me worthy. But for someone else, it could be something different. So it's like, for me, it's like, so important when I work with my clients is to like uncover, like, what is the root cause of why you are overworking? Why do you feel the need that that's the only way you can prove your words there, why do you feel like you need to people, please? Like, and then once you start addressing that, the tools and the strategies are the easy part. The hard part is like getting out of that mindset. It's about undoing all of those years of conditioning and really understanding yourself and giving in to yourself. Like those are the hard parts. The self care is the hard part because you're not used to like operating that way. You're not used to prioritizing you that way. So those are the hard part. The easy part, the time management, the everything else. Once you like work on the inner. Inner work and the OR, or you guess you always hear that, right? Do the inner work. Mm-hmm But yeah, once you do that inner work, like everything else is just a way for you to learn how to like, manage things and, and have like a better schedule or a better lifestyle. But, um, people always think, oh, well I need the time management in order for me to have work life balance. Yes, but that's incomplete. You need to understand why you're even. operating in that way. You need to really change that, change from within so that you can change everything that's outside of you.

Jessica:

Thank you so much for sharing your story and for folks to consider that this is possible. And I think it's the American culture that we kind of define ourselves based on our jobs, based on what we do and everyone, you know, when you get to meet someone, the first thing that they, they ask is what do you do? And it goes straight to their career, straight to their jobs. And for me, it's so annoying because that shouldn't define you. What should define you as your character, your personality, you know, your true passions, your hobbies, what you love, what makes you smile or happy, you know, all of those things that really define who you are. And I think we need to shift that or answer them differently than just like a job title. Yeah, and

Jessica Rojas:

I'm telling you, it took me a lot of undoing because that that was exactly like you asked me, what do I do? What or tell me about yourself sounds like the first thing that I mentioned, because it's what I thought like made me who I am. But in reality, Like you said, we need to normalize, like making space and highlighting, like what really makes you, because we're, yeah, we all have grown up in a society where it's like your career makes you, you know, it doesn't, it's just a part of you.

Jessica:

Well, yeah, where can people find you? How can they connect with you? Because I think you have a lot to offer. Yeah. So I

Jessica Rojas:

am, um, On Instagram under Jessica Lynn wellness. I also have a website is Jessica Lynn dash wellness. com. And then, yeah, so I worked with women of color, um, one on one coaching. Typically it's a three month program and we work on, you know, creating the space in your life for what matters to you. So not like my. Like my experiences with my clients, they're not all the same. They're all different. I've worked with so many different, amazing women and not their experiences are not all the same, but at the core is like understanding, like what got you to where you are of you not having time and energy for what's important to you. And then how can we get you there? and get you there in a sustainable way in a way that you're not going to change the way that you operate inside and then it's going to like make everything else feasible for you to be able to create time and energy for those things.

Jessica:

I love it. I love it. And I love that you get to work with so many different mojeres and yeah, you just guide them through this whole transformative change process in their lives. So, Jessica, thank you so much for being here, for sharing your wisdom, for really even helping me think differently and put things into perspective. I'll definitely be utilizing some of your tips that you shared here and maybe I'll connect with you. so much for having me.