105. [Replay Episode] Navigating the Mental Load of the Holidays

In this replay and last episode of 2024, I reflect on the considerable amount of work moms take on during the holiday season to create joyous memories for their children, despite the immense mental load.

Join me as I share my own experiences and urge moms to prioritize their happiness and well-being during this time of year. This episode will leave you empowered to redefine holiday expectations and to focus on creating joyful connections rather than striving for perfection. The goal is to enjoy the holiday season and make it a memorable time for their families.

For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode105

On this episode, you’ll hear:

• The mental load of the holidays as a mom
• Tips to overcome the mental load
• How to embrace the holiday season

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Transcript

0:00

Oh, no, not mega. So this week's episode, we're going to do things a little different where I'm actually going to replay. an episode from last year. in which I talk about the mental load. Regarding the holidays. I know as my MAs. We do a lot. And I was like, I can do another episode related to this, or I can just bring back another one for this week. And to be honest, this week has been a lot. We're prepping for the holidays and I feel like it. I'm just like overwhelmed and it's not like I'm doing much. Like this year, I am choosing peace over pressure and I actually shared this on social media that this year I decided not to send out. Holiday cards. We actually didn't even take our annual holiday pictures. we didn't do an elf on the shelf. I just believe that our kids are a little young for that still. And I'm limiting the number of regard laws that our kids are receiving as well, because. They don't need a multitude of gifts. And you know what? That's okay. And this also falls back into. Knowing what my capacity is in terms of. How much time I am dedicated towards things. And honestly, Because this week has been allowed to go has been sick. we have all been kind of under the weather. Really. I'm like, you know what, I'm not going to add more and it's not like I want to try hard, right. That I'm. It's not like I don't want to work hard for my business necessarily, but. I know that this episode. It already has some really good nuggets and I don't want it to be redundant. before I replay the episode. I just want to remind you all that. As modern Latina moms, we carry so many expectations on our shoulders. And here's the truth. Our children won't remember how many presents they got or why we didn't send out that freaking holiday card to our family. What they'll remember is that their mommy was present. That she was laughing that she was playing with them. And actually enjoying these precious moments with them. What we'll gain is something priceless and that is quality time. Peace of mind. And the space to create our own meaningful traditions that work for our Familia. Because it's time that we rewrite the rules of what makes a quote unquote perfect holiday season. And it's time that we prioritize our mental health because a happy mommy, equals happy babies. And really, this is all what I wanted to say, because I know that all of us struggled during the holidays, there is such a thing. I called holiday stress. We carry on the mental load of the holidays. As mamas. we're always the one responsible for everything. I got very upset when all of my family members. Asked me for my kids wishlist. And I'm like, I don't even know what they want. They're only at the time of this recording. My oldest is almost going to be four. My littlest is 18 months. They don't know what they want. So why should I create a wishlist? And so it's just, it's just a lot. And I just want to remind you all take this time to treasure these moments. We only get to do the holidays once a year. And I know that many of us dreaded civil Moser, very excited for it. And we actually do the work. But I also want to remind you that, you know, it's okay. To do it in your own terms. It's okay to do it your own way and your own version of it. No one is telling you how to do it. And there isn't a rule book on. How to do the holidays. Okay. So I also want to mention that this is the last episode of 2024, so, this is the very last episode of the year. We will be taking a break for two weeks during the holidays, because again, in spirit of this episode, I want to really indulge on these moments with my little ones so. I just wanted to tell you all that. We're just going on a holiday break. All right. Well, I'm you got, I hope you enjoy this replay episode and I look forward to seeing you in 2025. Happy holidays.

Samson Q2U Microphone & FaceTime HD Camera-1: 5:51

So today's episode is all about navigating the mental load of the holidays as my MAs. As the holiday season approaches, it's so easy for our mental load to sky rocket. And there have been many moments when I have a little bit of resentment towards the holidays, even though the holidays are my favorite time of year. And I never realized the immense amount of work moms do. And it wasn't until I had my kids that it made me realize the magic that moms put in. To make sure that their kids. Are happy AnD so as I reflect when I was little, my parents did so much, but my mom did most of the work. And I remember her planning, our outfits. I remember her dressing us up so well for Christmas, I remember all of the little attention to details and the decorations how we sent the letter to Santa, so for me are now fond memories of Christmas and the holidays in general. And. Honestly, if it wasn't for my mom who. Put in so much effort and attention to detail. I don't think I would have loved the holidays as much as I do. And she was a working mom. She started working full time. When I was for my, I think when I was like five years old. And so since then, my mom was working a nine to five job. She commuted for over an hour and a half to downtown Chicago and even so she never gave up and she still. Instilled this like magic in us during the holidays. And so now that I'm reflecting on this, I want to give that back to my kids. Right. But I never realized the hard work. It takes not just to make our kids happy, but also with everything in between from decorating. From. Meal planning for the holiday, specifically from making the logistics and planning all of the things that happen. Leading up to the holidays and then even afterwards, And so sometimes I reflect and I'm like, man, why don't we all call Santa Claus Mami clause? Right? Like, let's just say what it is. But I also have to understand that. We have two give in to make sure that our kids are happy. And so as mamás we take on the extra load during the holidays. I know that it is a wonderful feeling, seeing the joy coming out of our peques faces during this time of year, but we do so much. And so first things first, we need to acknowledge the mental load. As my MAs, we often find ourselves juggling various responsibilities from buying all the gifts except for ours. Hopefully. From a wrapping all of the gifts to planning the holiday outings, to make sure that our Nan is enjoying the holiday season. And then to planning what, to feed our children and ourselves. And so the mental load can be overwhelming. But it's essential to recognize it before we can address it. I do hear a lot of moms kind of burning out and feeling the sense of. Burnout about, oh my gosh. Like. Oh, back to the holidays. Like even for me, I feel that I am just overwhelmed about. The fact that, you know, I have to do all of the. Things. That relate to the holidays from making sure that my kids are feeding into the holiday spirit. But it is really hard to. Enjoy it, it's almost like we put in this pressure to ourselves to try to see who is the best mom out there too. Really create this magical moment for our kids. And part of this as millennial moms, we get all the pressure from social media, where we see the perfect reels, the perfect images. And even though they do seem perfect, you just never know. The hard work that many of these social media influencers are doing, or perhaps they're getting a lot of help. They're perhaps getting. Sponsorships from products that we, some of us can not afford. And so even though it is very easy for us to compare ourselves, And we end up feeling guilty for not. Doing as much as we could, as much as we wish it is very important to just recognize that. All of us are in different seasons of life. All of us are in different moments of our lives, where we may have to prioritize on some things versus others. And so when it relates to the mental load, we need to recognize that. Because managing the mental load during the holiday season can be super challenging. Especially as my MAs where we often take on various responsibilities. And this is in addition to the added work that we do in our day to day lives. We have to still mother, we have to still do our jobs. We still have to take care of our family. We still have to do the regular routines, the schedules, the mundane responsibilities on top of this added load. And that is. The Christmas holiday load. And so I am going to share a couple tips to help you overcome the mental load and how to navigate the holiday madness. And so the first thing that I want to mention is for you to talk about the holiday expectations and needs ahead of time. And this is usually at least for me. Usually during the Thanksgiving, Weekend where we often ask our family members. Okay, who's going to host Christmas. Who's going to host no chip. We're not. And. This usually sparks that conversation about, well, I did it last year. Oh, well, I can like, for example, for us right now, we are still living with my parents and for the past years, we hosted Christmas. And mostly because in 2019, we didn't have kids and it was easy for us to host. But then in 2021, we had our first Deigo and then last year, I was pregnant. And I wanted to host it again. So. We were able to do that because we had a bigger home, but now we, well, first of all, we're living with my parents. So we technically cannot make that decision. But second of all, we will eventually have a smaller home. So it'll be very challenging for us to host. However. Even though we won't be able to host, we still want to. Make this specific dish or happy to contribute towards. The plate setting or in month. Or whatever it is to set up a table for the holidays. And so it is important to set. Realistic. Expectations for yourself and for your family members about what everyone is hoping to get out of this holiday season and to see what needs to get done. This responsibility, shouldn't be given to one particular person. And I know that for a lot of my MAs or a boy. Out there that feel that they need to take on their responsibility. It is very important for us to be mindful that there they are also going through this mental load. And I often think about my mom who. We'll be hosting Christmas. My family will be hosting Christmas and I'm like, well, now that I'm here, it is my duty and responsibility to also help. In any way that I can, whether if it's cleaning or whether, if it's cooking a specific meal or if it's, if it's contributing financially. So that way they can make that the, my list, for example. And so it's so important to confirm with who is hosting and check in with that host to see if they need anything. If everyone is required to bring in a dish, we'll make sure that that dish also becomes realistic for you and your time. One of the things that I have learned is too. If whenever there is a potluck or whenever, you know, I sign up for a meal to take. It's very important for me to make a very easy one. Even though I'm such a perfectionist that I would love to make a. Dish that comes out of this Pinterest board of mine. It is very important for me to be mindful that maybe at this current season of life, because I currently have two little ones. A six month old and an almost three year old, were they. Take up a lot of my time and they're very needy at this time. So perhaps making a, an, an elaborate dish, won't be realistic for me. So I have to take a couple steps back and perhaps prepare a dish that is going to be. A little bit more easy and faster for me to do than if it were an ICER one. Also if you are on a tight budget because let's face it, we're currently going through. Really immense inflation right now. Then set those expectations with your family. If you feel that you cannot afford giving gifts this year, but you have done it in the past. It's okay to tell family, Hey, this year we're on a tight budget. We unfortunately cannot give as much as we did this year or say, we cannot give any gifts at all. I know that a lot of times we feel very pressured to give gifts to family members. And I'm saying like the Thea's at Theo's. The Primos, the Sabrina's, you know, the, I have those and everyone really. But if you cannot afford it right now, it is okay. Maybe come up with creative ways. Like for example, this year, my family, what we're doing is we're pitching in 10 bucks. Every adult is going to pitch in 10 bucks. And what we're going to do is create games out of it. And so, for example, there's this like saran wrap. Game, where we wrap all of these random trinkets toys, gift cards candy. Anything that we can think of. We kinda keep wrapping it around. And eventually this ball of saran wrap Become so big that. You can pass it around with all the people. And all you have to do is unwrap the saran wrap ball. With one mitten and one hand. So you get to use a mitten with one hand and you just try to unwrap the ball. As fast as you can, and if you get a price well, great. You go on to the next person and the next person gets to do the same thing. So it is a very fun game. And for me, it's all about the traditions. For me. It's all about creating memories with family. And I really didn't realize how expensive things are that The food is already expensive, but not to mention gifts are super expensive. And family keeps growing. I mean, now I have two kids. My parents now have four grandkids. Instead of, to, you know, when my sister had two kids and so. How can we. Set those expectations and be realistic to ourselves to. I think about and find creative ways. Two. Not give as much as we did in the past. And it is okay, but it's very important to set up those expectations from the get-go because it can be a little awkward. If you don't say anything and you. Don't end up gifting anyone, but then someone ends up giving you a gift. Like that's kind of awkward. So you may want to talk about it in advance and for us again, it's usually during Thanksgiving when we're already at the table and we kind of start planning. The holidays around that. You also may want to delegate tasks and ask for help. And so when it comes to really talking about holiday expectations and what your needs are. It is so important to delegate tasks such as decorating or meal prep for the holidays or shopping. For example, like for me, I usually do all the shopping for family members, but I know that this year. The expectations are going to be a little different. So I'm going to ask my husband, Alex. Too. Have him buy gifts for his family because he knows them best instead of me doing it or asking him like, Hey, what should it give your mom? Or whatever? Like, I think. Even though we want to take on so much. And even though we say, well, I'm already doing the shopping anyway. Believe me, it can add up. It can add more time, more thinking, more mental load. You may want to communicate openly about your needs and ask for help whenever necessary. And this can be anywhere from. Decorating. Or. Having your partner sign your kids up for a specific Christmas event. evEn though we want to be in control at the end of the day, we want to be happy as well. We don't want to have the sense of. exhaustion. Because it is a holidays we don't want to just like. Nag or complain. Or making it like a tedious job, because it is important for us to just enjoy our time with family. And if you don't have the capacity right now, To plan something. For example, then. Ask your partner. And if you both come into agreement, fine. If not, it's okay. It's okay to let it go. The second tip that I have for you is to simplify traditions and trust me, I love the holidays. I love every single aspect about Christmas. I love. Every single aspect about an old chip when. And. Even though. It is my favorite time of the year. It is important that we recognize that we can't do it all. Okay. I've learned too. Let some of the holiday things go. And it's okay. It is okay to consider simplifying or modifying holiday traditions to reduce the stress. Again, depending on the current season of life that you are in, you can only have a certain capacity. And so you may want to focus on activities that bring joy. To you then adding unnecessary pressure. So for me right now. For the past, what two years now that Diego is a little bit more aware about Christmas. I haven't introduced the elf on the shelf. We do have an elf on the shelf, just because in the beginning I was like, oh my gosh, I cannot wait to do this. But then I had realized like, There is a lot of work put into this. There's a lot of planning. There's just a lot of things that you have to do with this elf on the shelf that I'm like this isn't for me, at least right now. And. Even though we have an, an elf on the shelf and we haven't even named it yet. Oh, what we're doing is literally putting him on a shelf and, or on something where it's out of vehicles reach and we're not even touching it. It's just there as a way of decoration. Maybe once I do have the capacity in the future, perhaps I might. Implement this elf on the shelf. But at this moment, in my current season of life, I cannot, and again, we get very inspired and we have to have the sense of urgency to do everything that we see through social media. But If that is not your rodeo, I'm giving you permission to not do this. It is okay. Another thing is taking pictures with Santa. Like it is okay. Not to do them. If you don't want to, like, for me, I am not doing pictures with Santa. Until maybe the kids are older. I don't know, but for me, just the fact of putting my kids on a stranger slap for me, that is not me. So again, just because that may be the expectation for some, does it mean that it is, should be the expectation for you and your family? The same thing goes with printing out holiday cards. I usually do this like this year. I am sending out holiday cards. But last year, I didn't. So it all just depends on the time. And if you don't do want to make that extra effort, There are also so many activities. Like holiday activities around at this time of year where it is so overwhelming. Like, even though I do want to create traditions for my kids. They are little right now. So I don't think I am required to do as much. I just can't imagine for moms who have like older kids, like I often think about my sister. Corina who. Has a 12 year old and an eight year old. And I'm just like, how does she do it? Because I feel like they're always out and about on like different Crispus. adventures. During this time of year. And even though she may have the capacity, it is okay. If you don't. It is okay. If you have the time to do this, but it is not you. It is okay. Maybe it let them take your kids out. Or, you know, you may want to assign your partner to do something with the kids, it is okay for you to rest. And so if you are not interested in doing any of these Christmas activities As much that is okay. For us. We don't want to do as much because it is overwhelming and it is already overstimulating for small kids. Like from what they, oh, he's six months old and he is such a sensitive guy that any little noise kind of irritates him. He also doesn't like car rides. And so at the end of the day, I don't want him to struggle. I don't want us to struggle. And so. Again, it is okay to just simplify those traditions. Maybe you may want to do one big like family excursion for the holidays and that is it. But you are not required to make this grant. I think where it can be overwhelming. Understand that you may want to embrace the idea that it is okay to adapt traditions. To fit your current season of life. And so taking a look at your holiday list and decide what is crucial this year and what you can let go of as well. Because even though we have all of these ideas, we have all of these plans. Sometimes. Things cannot go the way that we want. It to go. Trust me. And so it's okay to let things go. It is okay to simplify what you're trying to do. And again, at the end of the day, your kids are not going to judge you. They're not going to be super mad at you. They're not going to hate you.'cause you didn't get to do these 10 things that you had on your list. It is okay to do five out of the 10 or maybe three out of the 10 or even one out of the 10. And that is fine. No one is going to judge you. No one is going to grade you for being a super mama. At the end of the day, what counts is that you are present and that you are there. For your kids. Think about quality versus quantity, right? Thinking about, okay, what is it that I really want to do with my family? And what do I want out of this experience? Is it a new experience? Is it a new tradition that you want to do? Is it. A tradition that you never want to do. So. Assessing that can help you really define what you want for your family. And in understanding that if you are in a specific current season of life of whether, if you are too busy or you're not as busy, it's okay to adapt to those traditions. The third tip that I have for you is setting boundaries. It is so important to learn, to say no when necessary. And it's okay to decline invitations or requests that will add to your stress. It is okay to say no to events that you are not 100% sure about, or that you're going to have to spend money or figure out the logistics about childcare. If this is an adults only. Event. Now, if you do want to go out with your significant, other than do it. By all means you. If you do want to do this, prioritize on that. But if you are in the 10th event and you're just like, oh my gosh, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. You don't have to say yes to everything. It is okay to say no. And also like during Uh, if in case you are invited to more than one event that day, and it's already a long day, like not too, when it's such a long night. What we have done in the past is that we would typically split that night in two. Where we would spend it with my family. And then my husband's family or vice versa. And. We used to do that before kids. Now that we have kids. It is kind of impossible to split. Not yet. In half, like with two families. And so what we are doing is to spend. Thanksgiving with one side of the family and then. Christmas with the other side of the family or new years as well. So that way we don't get to like literally split our entire night. Because it can't be. A lot, especially if you have children, if you are driving and it's in the middle of the night and you don't feel comfortable, it is okay. It's okay to also give your self permission to set boundaries with your family. I know that it is a struggle for me sometimes to leave. Early. Especially because my family. We are all night owls, but my kids are really tired. And I think we need to honor their bedtime routine. Or if you're letting them stay up late because let's face it. That's how we are as Latinos. For us. you know, it's an all night thing. But. Perhaps the next day. If you are invited to go. Out to the other side of the family or whatever. And you want to sleep in? It is okay. It is okay to sleep in. establish clear boundaries to maintain a healthy balance. You don't want to have the sense of burnout and fatigue at the end of the day, because you're just super stressed out or you're just like worried to say no, or you don't want to hurt any feelings at the end of the day. It is based on what you want, what your family wants and what you and your partner, if you are in a partner relationship where you both agreed on because. Those don't. When I could get the God, regardless of what they. At what you do, of what you decide. And so, again, Setting boundaries is healthy and it is essential, especially as we are going through this motherhood journey. And so remember that the holidays are about joy connection and celebration. You may want to implement these strategies to help you reduce the mental load and make the holiday season more enjoyable for both you and your family. Regardless of what we do this holiday season know that we still do a bit of magic to our kids. Even though there's this madness going on. during the holidays. We are still making our kids happy. And that is the goal. We also don't want our kids to see us be unhappy or under stress or. Treading the fact that it is the holiday season. It is so crucial for us to be present because our kids are going to. Grow up. They're not going to have this. Magic in them. They're not going to have this innocence in them. And so. Do what we can. And not feel guilty about this because at the end of the day, we want to make sure that we are okay, so that our children. Can see that. I'm here to recognize all of the hard work that you do this holiday season. I know that it is a lot of work. And again, I didn't realize this until I became a ma. I don't know how everyone does it. I know. Sometimes I feel like I am just surviving. I am just making it through and not to mention this holiday season has been very different for us because we are not living in our home that we want to create that, you know, we've been working on so hard. But I have to. Come into this acceptance that you know what my kids are still enjoying the holidays. My parents allowed us to decorate. To display. The kids Christmas books, they let us put the little nice Simeon. The kids little Christmas tree. And so even though we are not physically in our home, Our kids are still getting that sense of love and holiday spirit and cheer that. That they see. And so as we wrap up today's episode, I hope that these strategies help you navigate the mental load of Christmas and that B strategies can allow you to create lasting memories with your loved ones. Remember, it's not about having it all together. It's about being present and enjoying the moments that matter the most. So I want you to recognize that and to notice that. And if for some reason things don't go your way. It is. Okay. No, one's gonna judge you. No, one's gonna bash you. No, one's gonna talk crap about you. Like it is okay to let go and to not set super high expectations for yourself. And so let me know via DMS or send me an email at podcast. Viva mommy.com. About what you think I'm always here. I'm always an open door and open ears for you. I know that the holiday season can be very challenging and it can be a lot of work. I just want to let you know that you are doing such an amazing job being. Your kids, mommy. Cause because at the end of the day, we are, let's give that credit to ourselves, even though we don't want to mention it to our kids. But, you know, it's, it's something that we need to recognize. And at the end of the day, we just want to see our little ones happy. And see their smiles and that spark in their eyes. So remember it's not about having it all together. It's about being present and enjoying the moments that matter the most. As you are preparing for this month. And as you are getting things ready for Nevada. No. Hanukkah. Whichever holiday you celebrate no, that. you are doing a great job. And so I want to thank you for joining me on this conversation and for listening. And I'll see you on the next one./