Viva la Mami

115. Balanced Madrehood: How You Can Reclaim Your Time Back As a Busy Mom

• Jessica Cuevas • Episode 115

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In part 2 of this special 8-episode Balanced Madrehood Series, I'm getting real about why modern Latina moms feel like they're drowning in to-do's while never accomplishing enough.

I open up about my own breaking point last October when I had my first-ever panic attack while juggling two toddlers, my business, and a part-time job. That moment forced me to completely rethink how I use my time, and in this episode, I'm sharing the exact strategies that helped me reclaim my days and my sanity.

For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode115

In This Episode, You'll Hear:

  • Why our attempts to meet our mothers' and abuelas' standards of perfect homes and homemade meals don't work in our modern lives
  • How saying "yes" to everything (from family functions to school volunteering) is stealing precious hours you'll never get back
  • The truth about why you're exhausted even when you can't point to what you accomplished (hint: it's the invisible mental load)
  • A simple 3-question framework that makes saying "no" so much easier
  • The practical time-blocking strategy that's been a game-changer for me and the mamas I coach

Resources Mentioned:

Feeling overwhelmed by navigating cultural expectations and modern parenting as a Latina mom? Join Balanced Madrehood, Viva la Mami's signature coaching program designed to empower Latina moms to create a more balanced and fulfilling madrehood journey.  Head over to vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood to learn more!

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Jessica:

Hola, hola amiga. Today we're continuing our eight episode special series on creating a more balanced motherhood experience for all of y'all. If you've ever found yourself at the end of the day wondering, where did all my time go? Well, this episode is especially for you because today we're diving into one of the biggest challenges many of us mamas face, and that is time management Or what often feels like the complete lack of it. As mamas juggling careers, family responsibilities, relationships, and hopefully a little time for ourselves, we're all familiar with that feeling of being constantly busy, yet somehow never quite getting to the things that matter most to us. the day flies by in a blur leaving us exhausted by often wondering what we actually did during the day. So, Amiga, we're going to talk about reclaiming our time, identifying what's really stealing our hours and creating practical strategies to take back control of our days. So grab your cafecito, find a quiet moment if you can, and let's dive in. So I've shared this before in a previous episode, which I'll link in the show notes. But I literally broke down it. In October, last fall, and the reason why is because my life felt so chaotic. I was so overwhelmed. I think that things literally piled up at that time. And this was when I literally had a panic attack. I cannot even describe you, but all what I remember was having difficulty breathing and I literally broke down and this was something that I've never ever experienced in my life. As a mom of two toddlers, as a stay at home mom who also has her own business. So I'm a mompreneur and who is also working part time as a college counselor. And in addition, it's just the life demands of trying to keep things in order. I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt that there just wasn't enough time for me to do everything and this was kind of like my breaking point where I had to literally figure out how to be a little bit more strategic with my day and Letting things go as well as how can I ask for help? So that day when I, when that happened, obviously with the help of my husband, Alex, we basically sat down and he was like, what can I do? How can I help? I don't want to see you that way. And I realized I needed to really understand where my time was really going and take decisive action to reclaim it. The changes I've made since then haven't been easy, but they've honestly transformed not just my schedule, but my entire experience of motherhood as well as my mental health. Our time really matters and how much we put into it and so I'm going to share with you two mindset shifts on how you can reclaim your time, as well as creating a framework for. Figuring out how you are committing your time so that way you can literally implement this today and that way you can start having a more strategic approach when you are utilizing your time. And so what exactly is stealing your time? I call them time thieves or time vampires and those are sneaky obligations habits and expectations that literally rob us of our precious hours without us even realizing it. And so as modern women, as modern mamás, we face universal time challenges. And these are the endless household tasks, the mental load of remembering everything for everyone, the constant interruptions that we have from our biggest, but even our partners, our family members, the unexpected things that often happen on a day to day basis. But as Latina moms, we often carry additional layers of time pressure that can go unrecognized. And this could be uninvited guests that can come into the house, for example. So let's talk about some of the most common time vampires that I see affecting moms in our community. So how many times have you picked up your phone to check one thing only to then take up 30 minutes later wondering what just happened and I get it. There's a bunch of digital destructions We have social media We have different family chats we essentially go into this rabbit hole of online shopping when you didn't even Plan on doing that and so we consume so many hours of our day in small Increments we barely notice Did you know that the average person checks their phones 96 times a day? That's once every 10 minutes, which is wild. And I get it. I'm guilty to say that I am there too even more shocking each time we're interrupted, it takes an average of 23 minutes to get back to the task at hand. So no wonder we feel like we never get anything done. And we. Feel like we never have enough time. And so many of us grew up watching our mamas somehow managed to keep their homes really limpias, right? And prepare all of these homemade meals, like traditional meals and attend to everyone's needs but now we're trying to meet. Those same standards while also building our own careers, navigating a more complex parenting landscape and attempting to have self care and really Focus on our personal lives. But the reality, those standards were challenging even then, and they're nearly impossible now. Yet we lose countless hours trying to achieve a level of perfectionism that really doesn't align with our modern lives too. And so This is what I call the impossible standards where. We cannot get to that specific standard anymore we are in a different world in a different generation and even though it's hard to compare when we're trying to do it all, we need to reflect on how does this align with your values? How does this align with your current season of life and with your modern life in general? We often have gotten this saying or this comment, If you want something done right, do it yourself. Does that sound familiar? I know for me it does. And so many of us struggle to delegate tasks to our partners, even our kids it doesn't matter if they're as little as two years old or other people because we've internalized the belief that it's our responsibility to handle everything or that no one else will do it correctly or perfectly or the way that I do it or the way that I want it to get done. And so this perfectionism isn't only exhausting. it's a major time thief that's keeping us trapped in patterns of overwork and burnout. if you don't have the ability to delegate. It's really gonna hurt you. And this is something that I really want you to break yourself from. That you cannot do it all. You can always delegate. You can always ask for help. How often do you say yes to things you don't actually have time for? And this is something that I am still working on. I Tend to over commit to a lot of things. I am a yes person and I think For a lot of us. This was something that has been so ingrained in us because almost have to just prove to the world that we are hard working individuals that We can always show up that we are always these caring individuals that no matter what we're always going to be there. But whether if it's volunteering at school, attending every single family function, or taking on extra work projects, many of us struggle to set boundaries around our time because we feel guilty saying no. Or we feel like if saying no, sangronas, and it's like, no, it's okay to say no. So this yes reflex often stems from a genuine desire to be helpful and present for the people we care about. But when we automatically say yes without considering the impact on our time and well being, we end up overextended and resentful. And as I was preparing this episode, I literally had to admit. This isn't just for you, it's for me as well. this one time thief that I had listed here, it's a reminder to myself that I need to hold myself accountable and reminding myself how, Saying yes is going to impact not only me, but also my family. Beyond these visible time thieves, there's another factor that's harder to see, but just as draining, and that is the mental load. The mental load refers to the invisible work of managing a household and family life. And that is the planning, the organizing, the remembering, and the coordinating that really keeps everything running, especially in our brains. It's not just doing the tasks, like the physical, tangible things, it's being the one who remembers It's keeping track of doctor's appointments and permission slips. It's remembering your tia's birthday and organizing the gift. It's noticing when supplies are running low and adding them to the shopping list. It's anticipating everyone's needs before they even realize they have them. And so studies show that women, regardless of whether they work outside the home or they're working inside the home, They carry the majority of this mental load and it is so exhausting Not just because of the time it takes but because of the mental energy it consumes When your brain is constantly running through to do lists every single day you're never truly quote unquote off duty. This state of constant mental alertness takes a toll, not just on your time, but on your overall wellbeing. And. The solution isn't simply managing our time better, it's reconsidering who carries the invisible load and how we can distribute it more equitably. And this is something that I have been working with, with my therapists because I have been struggling a lot in terms of who gets to do what. And even though my husband is very, very supportive, he does a lot of the visible labor. Um, even if we have supportive partners, husband specifically, we still carry on that invisible load. And so now how do we essentially work together to create a more balanced division of labor that is both physically and mentally. if you want to learn a little bit more about that. Please let me know I can create a whole other episode about that and how I am working with my husband So that way we can have this more equitable approach when it comes to the mental load in addition to the mental load and the are we are bombarded with images of super mama, who seemingly balanced successful careers, perfect homes, thriving kids, and fulfilling personal lives without breaking a sweat. And let's face it. we see it on social media And sometimes even in our own families and communities. But here's the truth, no one is doing it all. Not the influencer with the seemingly perfect Instagram feed, not your coworker who appears to have everything together, not even your own mama or abuela, though they might have made it look effortlessly. Everyone is making choices and sacrifices. Everyone is letting some things go to prioritize others. The difference is that some people are more honest about it than others. Okay. So real time management isn't about cramming more into your day. It's about making intentional choices about how you spend your limited time based on what truly matters to you. It's about accepting that you can't do everything. And that's not a failure. It's simply being human. So once we realize ourselves from the pressure to do it all, we can focus on doing what matters most and doing it well también. And so before we dive into practical strategies, I want to share two powerful mindset shifts that transformed how I approach time management. So, the first one is your time is valuable. Treat it that way. Many of us have been socialized to treat our time as less valuable than others. And we put everyone else's needs and schedules first, with whatever scraps of time remain. And when you value your own time, you model healthy boundaries for your big is, and you show them your personal wellbeing matters too. The second mind shift that transformed how I approach time management is releasing the grip of perfectionism. This was a big one for me. So many of us lose hours of our day trying to execute tasks flawlessly. Whether it's preparing a meal that you want to hold that standard by or making sure our homes are super limpia before having visitors. But as I mentioned earlier in the episode, perfectionism is a thief. It steals not just our time, but our joy and satisfaction. When we're striving for perfection, we're rarely present in the moment we're focused on this. standard rather than the actual experience. And so embracing the good enough isn't lowering your standards. It's being realistic about what truly matters to you. Does it really matter if the laundry is folded perfectly or just that clean clothes are available? Does the birthday cake need to be homemade and Pinterest worthy? Or is what matters is the celebration itself. When you release perfectionism, you gain time. And you also gain presence in your life. So now let's talk Practical tools. When you're faced with demands on your time, whether it's a new commitment, an ongoing responsibility, or even just how you spend your day to day hours, I recommend running it through this simple three question framework. Question number one, is this aligned with my current priorities and values? And we all have limited time, which means we need to be intentional about how we use it. Before saying yes to something, ask yourself if it aligns with what matters most to you in the current season of life you're in, Question number two, what will I need? to give up to make time for this. Here's a reality we often forget. When you say yes to one thing, you're automatically saying no to something else. There are only 24 hours in a day. We all know that. So before committing to something new Explicitly consider what you'll need to give up. Will it take time away from your family, your sleep, your self care, being clear about these trade offs Helps you make decisions with your eyes open rather than over committing and then feeling resentful later. The third question is, will this matter in a month, a year, five years? This question helps you distinguish between what's urgent and what's important. We often get caught up in tasks that feel pressing in the moment, but don't actually matter in the long run. So for instance, Immediately responding to every non urgent email might feel urgent, but will it matter a month from now that you took a few hours or even a day to respond? Probably not. And so using this time perspective can help you allocate your limited hours to what truly matters in the big picture of your life. So I want to give you one powerful strategy you can implement immediately to start reclaiming your time, and that is time blocking. Time blocking is simply the practice of scheduling specific blocks of time for different activities or types of tasks, rather than just working from a to do list. It's been a game changer for me personally, and many of the mamas I've worked with through Balanced Motherhood. What I love about time blocking is that it makes you proactive rather than reactive with your time. Instead of just reopening to whatever demands come your way, you're intentionally deciding how to use your limited hours. It also makes the invisible work visible. When you block time for meal planning, school communication, or family coordination, you're acknowledging the real time these tasks require. It also helps your partner to have a better understanding of what they should do during this given time that is blocked for them as well. So you both can work together on this too. And most importantly, time blocking helps ensure that your most important priorities, including yourself, Don't get pushed to the bottom of the list. And so as we wrap up today's episode, I want to remind you that reclaiming your time is not selfish. Again, it is necessary when you take control of your time, you're able to show up more fully for the people and activities that matter most. to you. The strategies we've discussed today, such as recognizing time thieves, shifting your mindset about the value of your time, evaluating commitments with a three question framework, and implementing time blocking are just the beginning of what's possible when you decide to take back control of your days. In my balanced motherhood coaching program, we dive much deeper into personalized time management strategies, addressing the cultural and family dynamics that often complicate time boundaries for us Latina mamas, and creating systems that work for your unique life circumstances. We work on not just managing time, but distributing the mental load more equitably. And creating space for your own goals and wellbeing. If what I've discussed today resonates with you, I invite you to join our waitlist at VivaLaMami. com forward slash balanced motherhood. That is balanced with a D at the end dash motherhood to be the first to know when doors open, the program includes monthly group coaching, one on one support, and a community of like minded Latina moms who understand your unique challenges. Next week, we'll be talking about why self care isn't selfish, and how to prioritize your well being without the mom guilt. Recuerda, your time is valuable, spend it in ways that reflect that truth. Right, amiga, well, thank you so much for listening. Hasta nos vemos on the next episode./