118. Balanced Madrehood: Setting Loving Boundaries Without the Mom Guilt

In this fifth episode of our special 8-episode Balanced Madrehood series, I dive into what might be the most challenging topic for Latina moms: setting boundaries with family.

For many of us, family is everything - our support system, our community, our foundation. But without boundaries, we can't fully show up for the people we love. When we're stretched too thin, resentment builds and our relationships actually suffer.

I explore what healthy boundaries actually look like in family relationships (from time and communication boundaries to parenting and financial boundaries), why they're so difficult to establish, and practical strategies for implementing them without the guilt.

For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode118

In This Episode, You'll Hear:

• The three biggest barriers that keep us from setting boundaries (including the guilt factor!)
• How to create systems that do the boundary-setting for you
• One simple boundary you can implement this week!

Remember, loving your familia doesn't mean sacrificing yourself. True family love has room for everyone's needs—including yours.

Join the waitlist for Balanced Madrehood: vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood

Feeling overwhelmed by navigating cultural expectations and modern parenting as a Latina mom? Join Balanced Madrehood, Viva la Mami's signature coaching program designed to empower Latina moms to create a more balanced and fulfilling madrehood journey.  Head over to vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood to learn more!

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Transcript

Jessica: 1:21

Today we're continuing our special series on creating a more balanced motherhood experience. This is our fifth episode. Our special eight episode balanced motherhood series, and I'm excited that you're here. I'm currently recording at me Abuelito's House in Mexico, I'm on their balcony and just looking at this view and enjoying a good time here in Mexico. But in our previous episodes, we've talked about reclaiming our time, why self-care isn't selfish, and reconnecting with our passions beyond mare hood. And so today we're diving into what might be the most challenging topic yet. And that is setting boundaries with your familia. Now, I know just saying the words, boundaries and familia in the same sentence might make some of you feel uncomfortable. But after all, for many of us family is everything. It's our support system. It's our and our foundation. But here's the truth though. Having strong, loving boundaries is actually one of the best ways to protect and nurture those precious relationships. And so in today's quick but powerful episode, we're going to talk about why boundaries are so so challenging for us as mamas what healthy boundaries actually look like and how to set them without the guilt that so often comes along for the ride. But before we dive in, I want to remind you that in the show notes, there are two links. One, where you can suggest different topics, topics like these or any topic that you want me to talk about. And I also have another link. on proposing a guest, or if you know of a potential guest that could benefit in being on the show, feel free to share their information as well. I think that it's so important to share our stories and for people to share their expertise. And that way, Mama, your motherhood journey can be better informed. And that way you can create the best version of this wonderful And oftentimes chaotic journey of ours. And I also want to remind you to please rate and review the show it's so important for me to receive feedback and what you think of this show so that way people can find Viva La Mami and that way Latina moms Don't feel in isolation as it relates to their motherhood journey. So don't forget to rate and review. If you are listening through Apple podcasts, otherwise you can also rate this show on Spotify and know that I'm here to build this community for you, for us, because it is needed. All right, let's dive into the episode./

5:27

MAs juggling careers, households and relationships were often praised for being available to everyone at all times. As if constant accessibility is the ultimate badge of honor. But meanwhile, we're drowning in obligations saying yes to things we don't have the capacity for and feeling resentful when our own needs go unmet, we smile and nod when a family member drops by Unannounced or we agreed to host another holiday gathering. Even though we're exhausted, and this is especially true for many of us as Latina moms, we've often been raised with the message that family comes first. And that saying no to a family member is disrespectful or selfish. Add to that, the modern pressures of being constantly available through texts and social media, and it's a perfect storm for boundary burnout. Without boundaries, we can't fully show up for the people we love. When we're stretched too thin, resentment builds and our relationships actually suffer. This is something we talk about extensively in balance, motherhood. So many moms join this program feeling completely overwhelmed by family expectations and obligations, and they're unsure how to create space for themselves without disappointing the people they love. By the end of our work together, I. They've learned that boundaries aren't walls, they're bridges to healthier and more sustainable relationships. So what do healthy boundaries actually look like in family relationships? Well, let me give you some examples. Time boundaries might look like having set work, working hours that family respects or designating certain evenings as family time and others as personal time Communication boundaries could include not answering phone calls during dinner setting expectations about how quickly you'll respond to text, or requesting that certain topics remain private. Emotional boundaries involve not taking responsibility for others' feelings or problems, and recognizing where your emotional responsibilities end and others begin. Physical boundaries might include respecting personal space, sleep schedules, or even how much physical affection you're comfortable with. Parenting boundaries are about being clear on your role versus your aita or other relatives roles in raising children. Financial boundaries involve clarity around lending money. I. Gift expectations or shared expenses. And so the key thing to understand is that healthy boundaries aren't about rejection or separation. They're about clarifying expectations, communicating your needs, and creating structures that allow relationships to thrive without depleting you. And in balanced motherhood, we work with moms to identify which boundaries they need most in this season of life and create personalized strategies for implementing them in ways that honor their family relationships while protecting their wellbeing. If boundaries are so beneficial, why do we find them so challenging to establish? Well, let me share the three biggest barriers I see for mamas in our community. I. First, there's the guilt factor, that feeling in your stomach when you tell your mom, you can't host Sunday dinner this week, or when you decline a family gathering to meet a work deadline. Many of us have internalized the belief that family should always come first, no matter the personal cost. I remember the first time I told me, mommy, I couldn't make it to a family event because I needed a day to recharge. The guilt was almost physical. And then second, there's the fear of being misunderstood. You're not setting boundaries because you love your family any less it's quite the opposite, but there's always that worry that they'll take it personally will your siblings think you are being too American or too professional When you explain you need uninterrupted work time. Will your GRA think you don't want her help with the baby when you ask for more notice before visits. Third, there's the lack of examples or models. Many of us didn't grow up seeing healthy boundaries demonstrated. Think about it. Did you ever see your mama tell She needed space or your TIAs protecting their personal time. Without these models, we're essentially creating a new playbook for our families in balanced motherhood. We address each of these obstacles with practical strategies tailored to your specific family dynamics, and let me share three practical strategies for setting boundaries with family that I've found most effective for mamas I work with. Well, first, we can use the sandwich method when communicating boundaries. Start with appreciation. State your boundary clearly, and then end with reassurance, let's give the example of the notorious aita giving candy to your kids. All right, so let's go with mommy. I love how involved you are with the kids, and that's an appreciation Piro. I need you to check with me before giving them sweets, especially before dinner. That's a clear boundary. It means so much to them to have an aita who cares about them so deeply reassurance. This approach honors the relationship while still protecting your needs. The second strategy is to create systems that do the boundary setting for you. If unexpected video calls come from family. That may disrupt your workday. Set a specific virtual visiting hours, like seven to 8:00 PM on weeknights. When you're consistently available, share the schedule with your familia and tell them the truth that you're busy during the day. Then you can use your phone's focus or do not disturb settings during work hours. This way, the system maintains the boundary, not you personally, each time. the third strategy is to start with boundaries around your children, which are often easier to enforce than boundaries for yourself. So most of us find it easier to say. The baby needs her nap at that time then I need some time alone. So once you get comfortable setting boundaries to protect your children's routines and wellbeing, you can gradually extend the same protection for yourself. And so in balanced motherhood, we create individualized boundaries strategies for your specific family situation with scripts and roleplaying practice for those challenging conversations that I know many of us are very uncomfortable with. If you take just one thing from today's episode, let it be this. Choose one simple boundary to implement this week. Maybe it's deciding not to answer work emails after 6:00 PM or asking family members to text before dropping by or communicating to your partner that Sunday afternoons are your dedicated self-care time. Whatever boundary you choose, make it specific. Communicate it clearly and commit to maintaining it consistently. Notice how it feels to honor this limit, not just in terms of the practical benefits, but also how it affects your sense of self-respect and personal self agency. This single boundary might seem small, but it is so powerful and it is the first step toward a more balanced life where you can show up fully for your fami, because you're also showing up for yourself. And so as we wrap up today's episode, I wanna remind you that setting boundaries with your family isn't about creating a distance between them. It's about creating sustainable relationships that can thrive in the long term when you honor your own needs and limits. You're modeling healthier behaviors for your children and creating a family culture where everyone's wellbeing matters, including yours, and I'm sure that that is the ultimate goal for you. So if today's episode resonated a lot with you and you're trying to create more balanced family dynamics without the mom guilt, I invite you to join the wait list for balanced motherhood. This three month coaching program is specifically designed for Latina moms who want to honor their family connections while also honoring themselves in balanced motherhood. We're gonna work together to identify the boundaries you need most, create strategies for communicating them effectively, and build a supportive community of like-minded mamas who understand your unique challenges. To join the wait list visit viva ami.com/balanced mahood that is balanced with a D at the end, Mahood, and you'll be the first to know when doors open enrollment, and doors will open up real soon. In next week's episode, we're gonna explore how to bridge the gap between cultural traditions and modern parenting approaches. Another key aspect of creating a balanced motherhood experience. Biro. Until then, remember, loving your fami doesn't mean sacrificing yourself. True family love has room for everyone's needs, including yours. Well, thank you so much for listening in the next episode.