Viva la Mami

119. Balanced Madrehood: How To Honor Your Heritage While Leaving Harmful Traditions Behind

• Jessica Cuevas • Episode 119

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In this sixth episode of our special 8-episode Balanced Madrehood series, I share one of the most challenging aspects of modern Latina motherhood: giving ourselves permission to break harmful cultural traditions while still honoring our rich heritage.

As Latina moms, we've inherited beautiful traditions that connect us to our roots - but if we're honest, we've also inherited patterns that don't serve us or our children. From "la chancla" discipline and authoritarian parenting to machismo attitudes and the expectation that moms should sacrifice everything for family, how do we honor where we come from while consciously choosing not to carry forward harmful patterns?

In this episode, I name specific cycles many of us experienced growing up in Latino households and provide practical strategies for breaking these patterns while maintaining cultural connection.

For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode119

In this episode, you'll hear:

  • The specific harmful patterns many of us experienced (authoritarian parenting, la chancla culture, machismo, martyr mom syndrome, and more)
  • Why breaking cycles doesn't make you any less Latina or connected to your roots
  • Practical strategies for breaking generational patterns while honoring your heritage
  • How to handle resistance from family members who don't understand your different approach
  • Why breaking cycles is actually an act of love for your culture, not a rejection of it

Resources mentioned:

Feeling overwhelmed by navigating cultural expectations and modern parenting as a Latina mom? Join Balanced Madrehood, Viva la Mami's signature coaching program designed to empower Latina moms to create a more balanced and fulfilling madrehood journey.  Head over to vivalamami.com/balanced-madrehood to learn more!

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Today we're continuing our special series on creating a more balanced motherhood experience. In our previous episodes, we've covered reclaiming our time self-care. Rediscovering our passions and setting boundaries with our familia. Today we're diving into something that might feel even more challenging, and that is giving ourselves permission to break from harmful cultural traditions while still honoring our rich. Heritage As Latina moms, we've inherited beautiful traditions that connect us to our roots. But if we're honest, we've also inherited some patterns that don't serve us or our peques. From la chancla discipline approaches and authoritarian parenting to machismo attitudes and the expectation that moms should sacrifice everything for family, the question becomes how do we honor where we come from while consciously choosing not to carry forward the patterns that cause harm? How do we break cycles of generational trauma while still embracing our cultural identity? In today's episode, we're going to explore how we can give ourselves permission to create a new legacy.

Jessica:

But before we dive in, I want to remind you that in the show notes, there are two links. One, where you can suggest different topics, topics like these or any topic that you want me to talk about. And I also have another link. on proposing a guest, or if you know of a potential guest that could benefit in being on the show, feel free to share their information as well. I think that it's so important to share our stories and for people to share their expertise. And that way, Mama, your motherhood journey can be better informed. And that way you can create the best version of this wonderful And oftentimes chaotic journey of ours. And I also want to remind you to please rate and review the show it's so important for me to receive feedback and what you think of this show so that way people can find Viva La Mami and that way Latina moms Don't feel in isolation as it relates to their motherhood journey. So don't forget to rate and review. If you are listening through Apple podcasts, otherwise you can also rate this show on Spotify and know that I'm here to build this community for you, for us, because it is needed. All right, let's dive into the episode./ Before we can break any cycle, we need to name it. So let's talk about some of the harmful patterns many of us experienced growing up in Latino households. Well, the first one is that there's the authoritarian parenting style where porque yo lo digo. Was the only explanation needed. Children were expected to obey, without question, and parents didn't need to explain their decisions or consider their children's feelings. There's also La Chala culture and that is using fear-based discipline tactics rather than connection based approaches. Many of us joke about running from la chancla. But physical punishment and intimidation create fear rather than understanding. And then there's the machismo that harms family dynamics that creates rigid gender roles and double standards for boys and girls. Girls are often expected to help with household chores while boys are exempt from that, or daughters face stricter rules about dating and socializing than sons. There's the martyr mom syndrome as well, and this is where mamas are expected to sacrifice everything, their dreams, health, and identity for their familias and self-care is seen as selfish for them, and a mother's needs always come last. There's also the no air in your dirty laundry mentality that keeps family problems hidden and prevents seeking help for real issues like mental health struggles or relationship problems. And finally, some of us also experienced intergenerational trauma passed down through these. Parenting approaches, and these are unhealed wounds from our parents or grandparents and the people before them and their experiences that continue to affect how we parent today. And so if you're recognizing some of these patterns from your own upbringing, tu no estas sola. In balance, madrehood, nearly every mama I work with identifies at least one of these cycles they're actively trying to break. The first step is simply acknowledging these patterns that these patterns exist and how they've shaped us. And as a new generation of Latina moms, We know we want to parent differently, but we still feel guilt or uncertainty about breaking from tradition. You might think, who am I to do things differently than generations before me or worry if I don't raise my children the way I was raised? Will they still connect with their culture? This internal conflict is completely normal. When we choose a different path, we may feel like we're somehow betraying our familia or our heritage. We may fear judgment from relatives who see our different approaches as a criticism of how they raised us. There's also the voice of doubt that whispers, but let me be clear. Recognizing harmful patterns and choosing to break them doesn't mean rejecting your cultura en total. It means you are evolving the best parts of your heritage while leaving behind what no longer serves this generation. In balanced motherhood, we work extensively on this permission piece. Many maas come to the program knowing that they want to parent differently, but they struggle with the emotional weight of breaking tradition through our work together, they discover they don't need anyone else's permission to create healthier patterns for their familias. You already have everything you need to make these decisions, your love for your children, combined with understanding of both your cultural heritage and modern approaches to parenting, and this gives you unique wisdom. You don't need to parent exactly as your parents did to honor where you came from. So now let's talk about practical strategies for breaking generational cycles while still honoring your cultural identity. Well, first of all. Be intentional about what you preserve. Latino culture is rich with beautiful traditions around food, language, music, celebrations, family connections and values like perseverance and hard work make a conscious effort to emphasize these elements with your children. When we're intentional about what we preserve, we create space to let go of what doesn't serve us. Second, develop awareness around triggers. We all have moments when we automatically fall back into patterns we experienced growing up. And trust me, this is a learning process for me and my husband. Maybe your child doesn't listen and you find yourself wanting to yell at them and punish them. When you notice these reactions, pause. This awareness creates the space to choose a different response. Third. Build a system of like-minded parents. It's much easier to break cycles when you're not doing it alone. Find other parents, particularly other Latina moms, who are also committed to honoring their culura, while evolving their parenting approaches, share struggles, strategies, and successes as well. Fourth, educate yourself on alternative approaches. Read books, listen to podcasts, or take courses on gentle parenting. One of my favorites is Latinx Parenting. Learn more about emotional intelligence or other contemporary frameworks that resonate with you. Knowledge gives you options beyond what you experience growing up. Heck, I've even invited expert guests on the show and I'll make sure to link those in the EPIs and I will make sure to link those episodes in the show notes. And finally, practice self-compassion. Breaking patterns is challenging work. You won't do it perfectly. Trust me, I am not a perfect parent. I am not here to tell you that you should. There will be days when you react just like your parents did. When this happens, forgive yourself. Repair your peque if needed and recommit to your vision. In balanced madrehood, we create personalized strategies for each mamá based on her specific family background and the particular cycle she's working to break. We pro we provide both the practical tools, and the emotional support needed to navigate this journey. So let's address the elephant in the room. What happens when your familia doesn't understand or support your different approach? It is so common to face resistance when you're breaking cycles. Your papá might feel judged when you don't discipline your children the way he discipline you. Or he might not understand why you're raising your son to express his emotions rather than toughening him up. But remember, you don't need to defend or justify your parenting choices. A simple, this is how it works. así es como funciona mi familia can be simply enough second, try to be curious rather than defensive. Ask older family members about why certain traditions existed. Sometimes understanding the context helps you honor the intention even as you change the approach. Third, find moments to bridge understanding. If your mama doesn't understand why you don't use physical discipline, you might say,"mami, I know you use the chancla por que you wanted me to grow up respecting rules. I want the same for my kids. I'm just using different tools to get there". And then finally, hold your boundaries with love. As we discussed in our last episode, it's okay to kindly but firmly establish how your immediate family will operate even if it's different from your extended family's expectations. In balanced motherhood, we role play these challenging family conversations and develop personalized scripts that help you navigate resistance while maintaining your commitment to breaking unhealthy cycles. So as we wrap up today's episode, I want you to know that breaking generational cycles doesn't make you any less Latina or any less connected to your Cultura. In fact, it takes tremendous courage and love to look at painful patterns and say, this stops with me. You aren't rejecting your cultura when you choose not to carry forward harmful practices. You're evolving it. You're taking the beauty, strength, and wisdom of your heritage and releasing the parts that caused harm. This isn't betrayal, it's simply growth. If today's episode resonated with you and you'd like support in breaking cycles while honoring your heritage, I invite you to join the wait list for balanced motherhood. This three month coaching program is specifically designed for Latina moms who are navigating these complex cultural dynamics while creating a healthier legacy for their peques. In balanced madrehood. We work together to identify which cycles you want to break. Develop strategies for handling family resistance and build a supportive community of like-minded mamas who understand your unique challenges. You don't have to do this difficult work alone. To join the wait list, visit viva la.com/balanced motherhood that is balanced with a D Madre hood. where you'll be the first to know when doors open for enrollment, and they're gonna open real soon. In next week's episode, we're going to explore how to align your parenting approach with your core values. Another key element in creating a balanced motherhood experience. breaking cycles isn't an act of love. Breaking cycles is an act of love. Love for your Es, love for yourself, and ultimately love for your cultura as you carry forward its best parts while healing some of its wounds. Okay, amiga. Well thank you so much for listening. Hasta la proxima. Y nos vemos In the next episode.