Viva la Mami
Madrehood is a complex journey, interwoven in two identities that often make us feel ni de aquí, ni de allá (not from here, not from there). Join Jessica Cuevas, a mother of two, as she shares her motherhood journey, interviews regular mamis, and experts from a variety of fields. This podcast will cover an array of topics that is geared toward the modern Latina mom that will empower you to find balance between tradition and progress. Bring your cafecito as we all create honest conversations and share the complexities about madrehood.
Viva la Mami
123. Best of VLM: Navigating the Mental Load of Bilingual Parenting with Erika Milla from Spanish En Casita
You're listening to the Best of VLM episode series featuring the most popular episodes of the Viva la Mami podcast!
In this episode, we welcome Erika Milla, creator of Spanish En Casita, an online community for parents striving to raise bilingual children. As a dedicated mom raising bilingual kids, Erika shares how she's preserving Spanish at home.
In our conversation, we dive into the mental and emotional struggles of bilingual parenting and the ups and downs of dual immersion programs. Erika also opens up about homeschooling her kids and gives tips for other parents on similar journeys. In addition, talk about the importance of community, cultural pride, and staying intentional in raising bilingual children.
For full show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode123
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- Instagram: instagram.com/spanish.en.casita
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Hello. You are listening to the best of VLM episode series, which showcases some of the most popular episodes of the Viva. Mommy podcast. This episode is one of those. If you enjoy what you hear, make sure you subscribe and don't forget to rate the show and write a review on apple podcasts so that other mommies, like you can find this podcast. Out, let's get into the episode.
Oh, no. Mika today we welcome Eddie. A passionate advocate for bilingualism. And intentional motherhood. Erica is a first generation Latina navigating the beautiful complexities of raising by cultural children. As a registered nurse, specializing in labor and delivery, she brings a unique perspective to her role as a dedicated my ma. Based in California with her Peruvian husband and there are two young children journey to bilingual parenting is one of inspiration and resilience. Through her Instagram platform, Spanish She creates a supportive community for parents striving to raise bilingual children. Erica has created a supportive online community to share her experiences, resources, and tips. With the focus on making Spanish, learning fun and accessible. She empowers parents to embrace their children's linguistic potential. Join us as Edika discusses the mental load of bilingual parenting shares, practical tips for language acquisition, and offers, encouragement to those who may feel overwhelmed. Whether you're a seasoned bilingual mama, or just starting your journey. insights will inspire and empower you. So without further ado, here's my conversation with from Spanish N casita. Welcome to the podcast. I am your host, Jessica Cuevas. I am a mother of two on a mission to help redefine the meaning of motherhood as a modern Latina mom. Motherhood can be a complex journey interwoven in two identities that often make us feel ni de aqui, ni de alla. Viva La Mami is committed to providing you with knowledge, tools, and support to navigate the challenges and triumphs of motherhood. As Latina moms on the show, we'll be discussing culturally relevant topics that will help inform and empower you in whichever season you are in on your motherhood journey. We'll be joined by Latina moms, experts and professionals who can offer advice, practical tips, relatable stories, and honest conversations. So bring your cafecito as I invite you to be a part of this space As we create Comunidad about the exciting and challenging parts of being a mami. Ahora, vámonos.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Hola, Erica. How are you?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:buenos dias, bien, y tu?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:I love what you're doing on your platform, raising bilingual kids. And I love it that you reached out to me and having this opportunity to have you on the show because there's so many nuggets that you shared about The mental load when it comes to raising bilingual kids. And so one of the things that I really want you to talk about is like your experience. I love that. We get to create this community of other parents who are being intentional and raising bilingual kids, but there can be a lot of like, mental load. There's so much emotional toll in this, especially for us that are trying to reclaim our cultura. We feel like there is a big responsibility. so before we delve into the conversation, I'd love for you to introduce yourself to our listeners. So tell us a little bit more about yourself,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:sure, so I'm Erika, um, I'm 34, I live in California, born and raised, uh, specifically in the IE. I am the oldest daughter of four. I have three younger brothers. Um, so I was just mom number two. Um, my parents are both Mexican immigrants. My mom is from Guadalajara, Jalisco. And my dad is from Nueva Italia, Michoacan. They both came to the US, um, like in their teens, I would say. Um, my dad, Pretty much went up to sixth grade in Mexico and came here and just has been working ever since. And my mom actually finished high school here. Um, and she was actually valedictorian of her high school. She assimilated pretty quickly, learned the language, is super smart. And then she had me. So then she went, you know, straight into the workforce as well. And they've both been working their butts off ever since to basically feed the You know, us four. So we grew up here in California, like just a typical Mexican American home, you know, where mommy and puppy were both working all the time, all the time. My dad would be gone by the time we would wake up in the morning. Same as my mom, um, son up to sundown. And. Um, when we were younger, our parents spoke to us in Spanish, so they only spoke to us in Spanish at home. Um, and then once we started school, obviously when I went to kindergarten, that's when my mom, you know, reached out for help to find us a nanny. Basically to help her since she had to work so much. And that's when kind of everything shifted a little bit because, um, we brought in this older Mexican, strong, loud lady from Ciudad Mexico that like just set us straight, you know? So she was kind of like my, an extension of my mom. She was the mom that she really needed. And the mom that my dad really never had, he was raised by a single mother. And, you know, he just didn't really have that relationship with his own mother and never had a father. So anyway, this lady comes into our house. Um, to take care of me and my brothers while my mom and dad are at work, and she only spoke Spanish. And she would be the kind, she was very like, firm, like, En esta casa nomas hablamos espanol, no te entiendo. Like, what are you, what are you saying? And she would get mad if we spoke any English. So, she kept, um, You know, that Spanish going in our home growing up. Um, and she was just, I didn't know at the time, but she was just such an essential, like piece of my childhood. She brought love and laughter and like that abuelita, you know, just comfort. Like to our home, she brought cultura because my parents were so young when they had me, my mom was 19, you know, she was still growing up herself. And so this older lady was the one that really. Taught her how to cook all these authentic Mexican meals. And, you know, she kept us up with the novelas and everything going on in Mexico. And she was like religious about her Biblia, like she was, she just brought so much of that. Like OG Mexican culture into our home. And I'm so grateful for that. Um, it was, it made all the difference in like my upbringing. So, um, we, once we went to school, obviously. It's a monolingual English school, you know, dual immersion didn't really exist back in the day. So once we went to school, it's the Spanish just kind of starts being put on the back burner and starts, you know, being your second language, really, because you only speak it when you come home with your nana. And that's it. Everything else, community is in English, school is in English, and then, My parents had to assimilate too because of their jobs, so they were practicing their English all the time. They started speaking to us in English and it just sort of shifted from there. We kind of started losing a lot of it or just not practicing it, um, as much. Especially then once we were out of the house, you know, once I moved out and met my husband and everything, I was no longer, you know, talking to my Nana every day, having cafecito and pan in the morning with her, having those conversations. So, yeah, it really, um, Changed
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Mm-Hmm. Yeah. And I think that's a similar experience for many folks, especially with, you know, that the first, second generation kind of generation where we're in this, in-between worlds and. You know, as little ones, we don't get to say what kind of upbringing we want, or we don't get to say, like, what kind of school we will be going to or what, and really, we are kind of forced into assimilation, we are forced into being with group of people that maybe perhaps they don't understand our upbringing, and it's really hard to navigate that. And then it isn't until we become adults. And really as parents, I don't think that I didn't get to fully embrace my culture until I got pregnant. And I don't know what that shift was, but it was like, something was telling me, like, I want my kids to be proud of who they are. I don't want to just like ignore our culture, you know, our language and everything. And part of that is based on. How we grew up, whether if it was a positive experience or a negative experience, you know, so like your nanny, like, it's awesome that you were immersed in the culture in the language. And she was very intentional, even though we sometimes think of like people being rigid and like, Oh, I guess out of respect, though, you know, we got to speak Spanish, but there is a reason why, I grew up with my grandma and it was also. tambien. And, um, and so, yeah, I remember just like only respecting the elders, you know, we had to speak Spanish even till this day. My grandma still says like, Oh no, you know, yo no entiendo And we're like, Oh crap. Like we have to call it, like we have to switch now, you know? And, and yeah, that's just like part of our culture really. Um, so that was really cool how she made a big influence. And. Now that you are a mom, can you tell us a little bit more about your bilingual and multicultural parenting journey? Like what really inspired you to raise bilingual kids?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:Yeah, so, um, I've been with my husband for 15 years now. We met shortly, we met so young, shortly after high school. So, I really say he's like my college sweetheart. We didn't go to college together, but, We dated throughout our whole, you know, college years. Um, we dated for 10 years before we got married. So, um, I, I'm actually a registered nurse. I am a labor and delivery nurse. And he's in business. He went to school for business marketing. Um, and he, I guess, what really attracted me to him at first was that he was born in Peru. Um, so he's Peruvian and spoke Spanish and had a very similar upbringing to the one that I had. Um, just, he wasn't born here. He came here when he was eight years old. him and his family migrated here when he was eight. And. Kind of dealt with, you know, kind of had a very similar childhood in the sense that he went straight into English school You know, he was in ESL. I was in ESL my whole life, too His parents knew less English actually than mine As mine came here when they were younger, his came here when they were, you know, full on adults So at home for him, it was, you know, purely Spanish Um, and So, yeah, after we got married and decided to have kids, it just, like you said, all of a sudden, you know, once you become a mom, it's like your, your mindset shifts and all of a sudden, all of these things about like, Your culture, tus raíces, your language, like, you know, everything that you valued, you know, in your childhood, all of a sudden you feel this responsibility to pass it on to your little ones. And for fear, too, of losing it. You're like, I can't, it can't die with me. You know, I can't be the last one because then that's it. It seems so permanent and so just like, A waste, you know, if you don't pass it on to your kids. And so we made that decision early on that we, uh, well, we came up with like our little family language plan, whatever you want to call it, and decided to just speak strictly to our kids in Spanish at home. Um, we didn't really put a time limit, like, okay, we're going to speak it until they go to school or whatever. We didn't put any time limit on it. We just said, We're just gonna speak Spanish in our home. That's how we were raised. That's how Spanish stuck, like, stuck with us. That's what worked for us. So we're gonna, you know, that's what we're gonna do. And I think it's an, we have a slight advantage because, because both of us speak Spanish, that doesn't happen a lot, you know, and because he is, he's a Peruano. It's also really good for my kids to hear both Spanish accents. It is very different. When my husband speaks to his mom sometimes, I'm like, Qué? Like, slow down. Like, Mochan las palabras? I don't know. They like, cut them short, and they speak really fast, and it's like, completely different. So I'm like, oh man, like, if my kids ever go to Peru, they're gonna be so lost. So, It's good for him to you know, speak it to them in his way and they There's also so many different words, by the way, like just in dating him So many things have like, so I feel like I'm teaching my kids three languages sometimes because I'm like, Oh, how do you say corn in Espanol, Elena? And it's like, elote and choclo. So they got to know corn, elote, choclo. And there's a lot, a lot of words that are just so different. And I have to, you know, be mindful of teaching them those Peruvian words as well. Um, so that's why we decided to, both of us to speak Spanish to our kids. My husband and I have always spoken to each other in English. So that part. We, we couldn't let go. Like, we couldn't just strictly speak Spanish to each other. And that's okay. I'm okay with that. You know, at the end of the day, I do want my kids to be bilingual and value both languages. And this is the, and my daughter just started asking me. She's six right now.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Okay.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I didn't even add my children into my bio. My God. So, I have a six year old daughter. And then an almost 4-year-old son. So my 6-year-old daughter, Dale, she's a little older, um, just started asking me, mommy,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Mm
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:and I really, and I, I had to like, think about it for a second and I just basically told her, you know. Mi Adrián, my son. Y con papi hablo inglés, idiomas. And that's all, I just left it at that, you
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Yeah.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:Um, so, it, that helps I think too because even though they can't understand us very well yet, which is great. She's starting to now. She's starting to now, but, um. It, they still subconsciously pick up on so many little words. I don't know what it is about English. It is like glue. I, I have not, I hardly read them English books. I, I never speak to them in English. How can they have a conversation with me? I don't know. It's so
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Interesting. Mm-Hmm?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I was talking to, um, this girl on Instagram. Oh my gosh. Her name is Kat. She's, um, like a linguist and she just, she told me something about how English just for some reason, like in, in their research, there's something about English that just takes over. Like, it just
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Mm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:Like, so I don't know what it is. It's just, you know what I mean? It, it,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:It it's super colonizing that even. The language,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:right, it just wipes everything else
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:yep, yep, yep, yep. Oh my gosh. So, um, and you homeschool your kids or, um, are they in school? How are they kind of immersed in the language still through education? Because now they're like school aged, right?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:right, right. So, I homeschooled my daughter for pre K. Um, so, because, you know, There are no pre, you know, dual immersion pre k programs, and if they're, they, there are, they're so expensive and it's just, you know, unattainable, or they're not close by, they're just really hard to find, and I wasn't ready yet at that age to just, like, immerse her into a monolingual English, like, environment. Um, Not just because she couldn't do it, just because I wanted, you know, as much time as I could with her to really, like, ingrain that Spanish into her. So, I made the decision to scale back. I was working full time. Um, I've been a nurse for nine years now. And I was working full time up until then. I scaled down to be part time so that I could be home and, like, intentionally. Um, homeschool her for pre k and I did that bilingually in English and Spanish. Um, primarily in Spanish because that's her dominant language. But I started introducing English then. That way when she went to school it wouldn't be such a, like, shock to her, you know. And I decided to, well, against my will, I really wanted to keep homeschooling her. Um, but it's different. You know, it's, nobody in my family has ever done it. Nobody really does it. The, the normal thing is to send your child to school, right? And I felt like I, at the time, I didn't have the support I needed to really, like, follow my heart and go in that direction. Um, specifically with my husband. He was just very, like, on the fence about it.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Mm-Hmm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:understand it. He wanted to try public school and see how it went. And so since I didn't really have his support, you know, I just said, okay, like let's try it. We'll put her in a dual immersion program and we'll see how it goes. So she, Monday is actually her last day of kindergarten. And while she loved Going to school and, you know, making friends, socializing, and she, she loved it. She liked school, but for us as a family, it was very difficult. It was such a hard transition for us because, because of my career. Um, Being part time as a nurse means I work two days a week right and the rest of the days I I dedicate to being home with my kids. So it's kind of the best of both worlds I almost feel like a stay at home mommy, but I still I always say like I do nursing on the side Because really I'm more of a mom, you know than a nurse so going to school Put us in that box that we've never been in before of like The nine to five, Monday through Friday. She had a hard time. Oh my God. Waking up every day was a fight. Picking her up from school every day was a fight because. It's so long. School is so long for kindergartners. You know, it changed her. She, she used to nap. She stopped napping. She was just overtired. Her behavior changed a lot, a lot, a lot, because her whole life, I'm, you know, she could wake up at the time her body wanted to wake up. She didn't have anywhere to be rushing to every single day. That was really rough for her. Um, and then You know, there's a lot of, I, I would never bash, you know, public school or dual immersion programs, but there's a lot of holes that I found. In the dual immersion, you know, world that I didn't know about before. And one, one of the biggest ones for us was, I feel like, well, first of all, there's not that many programs. So it was really hard for her, us to just get into this one. And we had no choice in what kind of program it is. And hers was a 1910. And, um, now looking back, I don't really feel like a 90 10 is tailored to Spanish speakers, fluent Spanish speakers. It is tailored to monolingual English speakers trying to learn Spanish. So her going into that, like, yeah, well, it was great. It was in Spanish. She learned to start reading in Spanish, all that stuff. But it was like very basic. Whenever I asked her, you know, español? And most of the time, the teacher is speaking in English because she's tailoring to all of the kids who mainly speak English that don't understand. And so that, that defeated the purpose for me. You know, that, that really made me, like, think, like, how much is she really getting from it then, you know? If the teacher's giving them instruction in English and Spanish, it's supposed to be 90 percent Spanish, right? She's still giving them instruction in English, still, like, speaking to the kids in English. And, My daughter is one of two, two in her class of 24 that speak fluent Spanish. That's it. That's it. And I don't, and we live in a very like, um, Latino community, you know, we,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Huh?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:so that was kind of surprising to me and I don't know if it's just The kids don't speak it, like maybe they understand it, and they don't speak it as much. But whenever I go pick up my daughter from school, her, all the kids are speaking English. I have hardly ever heard any of the kids speak Spanish. Um, and when I ask her, you know, Con quién And then she's like, oh, no más so and so. Y todos los demás nomás hablan inglés. So she's speaking English all day with these kids. And then still getting, you know, her teachers teaching her the subjects in Spanish, but like all the directions and all that stuff, like she's getting in English. So it's not really as like Spanish dominant as you would think. So that was like a little eye opener for me. Um, and then, uh, you can kind of look at the plan as far as like, you know, when they start introducing English and things like that. And unfortunately a lot of these programs don't have the funding and, resources of the teachers to implement them like the way that they should be implemented as far as providing, you know, the same opportunities in both languages. And you'll see that like one year they'll teach them one subject completely in English for the whole entire year. Where it should really be both, but there is just not enough time, not enough money, not enough teachers. And so that's, that's a really big hole, you know, in that system. And also they, at the end of the day, it really feels like Spanish is for flunzies.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Mm-Hmm.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:It's you, they don't, you don't get tested on it. You know, at the end of the day, the testing is all in English. That's what really matters. To them. That's what's really valued to them.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Right, like how fluent will they get at the end of the day, there is still a lot of work to get done, you know, and it's so true. Like there is no assessment about, you know, the students fluency in Spanish because the goal is to bridge these languages together and not separate them. But it's still almost like that is the intention, you know, and a lot of work needs to get done. And, and we're based in Chicago. I would say that the dual language, programs here are not as progressive as the ones in California, for example. but we're getting there. And we're taking our three year old, Diego, to pre K 3. And, um, even though he's not officially in the dual language program yet, technically they start in pre K 4. But in order to get into pre K 4, you need to first start in pre K 3 to be guaranteed a spot. Otherwise, you can apply for pre K 4, but it gets very competitive. So, it's just a system. In its own, you know, just like there's a lot of gatekeeping. It's almost like college admissions. And I come from a college admissions background on a professional level where I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is just as intense as if like you're applying to Harvard. Yeah. Yeah.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:like we were on a lottery. My hope, my daughter's future is based on a lottery.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:it's
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:if we don't get in, what, like that's it? She just goes to English school? She doesn't even speak a word of English. It's terrifying.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:It is, it is. And how, they're putting priority on monolingual students and let's face it, like these are affluent, white, children for the most part. And I'm glad that their parents are exposing them to the Spanish language, but a lot of times what I hear, it's like many of these parents don't bring the language in the home. You know, it's like up to the. teacher and their responsibility to get the students to learn the language, you know, and that's the only kind of like, immersion that they get. And, and I don't see that fair, you know, for us, we want to cultivate and keep, you know, and embrace our own language because we are the byproducts of, In our generation, we're the byproducts of like growing up, either thinking that Spanish was a deficit or out of survival, we couldn't speak the language because we had to assimilate. And so for us, we're being intentional. We want to be, true to our culture and our language. You know, you have this other sub group and. They want to take over. So it's it's very hard and it's very complex and I'm not saying it's like a competition necessarily. I think the system itself is trying to make us compete against each other. It's very complex. And I'm glad that you about this, um, because there's a lot of questions, especially for parents who want to put their kids in a dual immersion program or dual language program. There, there should be good questions to ask, these schools before putting them in before knowing. And I think. That in itself should be a podcast episode.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:It should.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Because I'm gonna get through it. Like, we're just starting and for you having this experience, it's just telling that, you know, there's just a lot of work to get done. And I think that as parents, if we really want to be intentional in raising bilingual children, and if we're not getting that in our local school systems, um, you know, there are. Many ways, whether if it's putting them in afterschool programs or homeschooling them, if you have that capacity. Um, so I'm glad that this is working out for you. And I'm really excited to hear more about your experience and your daughters as well.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I'm, I'm, I'm nervous, but I'm excited. I know, like in my heart, that was always What I wanted to do and that was always my intention, you know, and I gave my husband the benefit of the doubt. We tried it. It, it didn't, it was just a stressful year for our family. It created a lot of stress. It literally like turned our house upside down. It was so different for us. Um, and so we want to go back to, I'm, I always say like people chase the fast life and I'm trying to chase that slow life.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Um,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:like slowing down. I don't like. Being in a rush with my kids everywhere. I don't like to be overbooked. I like to protect my peace and you know do things in small doses and slow down and read a book to my kids, you know, in peace and do a craft with them and paint and all of the little things that, you know, kids need.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Oh, that's awesome. you share so many tips and resources on your platform and you've really built this strong bilingual community, which is awesome. I love what you share and everything. But you definitely have expressed about this mental load of bilingual parenting. And even when you're, you were talking about your experience and putting your daughter in the school system and navigating that, I'm pretty sure that Brought up a lot of just like emotional toll on you, you know, to try to figure out okay If this is a good fit or not and even thinking about like dual language schools, too, right? There's so much like mental load that we carry As moms specifically because this is you know a podcast for moms pero um Yeah, in your experience raising your kids bilingual, can you tell us a little bit more how the mental load is brought up to you? And also, like, what are some examples of the mental load in bilingual parenting?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:there's a huge huge mental load aspect of this because It's almost it almost feels like or it almost feels like doing two jobs at once, you know You think of monolingual moms You Just having to worry about, not just, it's a lot, having to worry about parenting and being a mom and navigating that. We have to worry about parenting as well and all of the mommy things and add in, you know, teaching your child an entire new language and culture at the same time. And Most of the time, a lot of us don't have support or a lot of us don't have the resources or the time to go searching for resources. That's a huge one for me. Um, because, When I was a new mom, I did everything. I mean, until this day, I kind of still feel like I do everything on my own. Um, that's, I feel like that's just like the eldest daughter thing. I don't know. Maybe it's our pride or like, like we got it, we can do it, you know? But then until you're like at a point of a mental breakdown. Um, but I, I didn't reach out to people because I felt like No one could really relate, you know, no one could really relate to my specific situation. I personally don't have any close friends that are bilingual. Um, I don't have any, obviously I'm the oldest, so I don't have any nieces, nephews. Like, I was the first one to be a mom in my family. I'm the first one to do everything. I was the first one to graduate college Like I just have always done everything on my own and I've always just sort of figured it out and it's It came with a lot of like tears, a lot of like mental breakdowns. And I don't think it has to be that way necessarily. Um, I feel like I wish I would have reached out to people a lot sooner than I did. Um, I just wasn't, I guess I was just too busy. My kids were little, now they're bigger, you know, so now I'm finally like trying to get out there and find other people to connect with, um, to talk about, you know, shared experiences. But yeah, it's just every little thing that, you do with your children, if you're raising them bilingually, is very intentional. Like, a lot of people don't have to worry about, necessarily, what school they're gonna go to. Or what books we're gonna read. Like, you just grab a book and you read it. No, like, I gotta look at, you know, the Spanish, and it, like, what level of Spanish is it? And then I have, I'm in charge of pretty much everything. Like, you It's all on me. It's even though dad speaks Spanish too, he's at work, you know, and I'm at home more teaching everything to them. So it's really up to me how much Spanish they're going to learn, how good their Spanish is, when to introduce English. Like, and I'm not a teacher, you know, and so that you kind of get this like imposter syndrome kind of thing. because you're trying to teach them something and you're like, but I'm not a teacher and I'm not a native Spanish speaker. Like is my Spanish good enough, you know, to teach them or will they ever get to a level better than mine? Um, and then I just kind of have to check myself, you know, when I do that and check myself and be like, you know what I'm doing better than a lot of people can say, I'm doing the best that I can. I'm. I work at it every single day. I never claim to have perfect Spanish, but I have vastly improved since my daughter was born. I mean, just reading every day has made a huge difference. Um, Something I started doing to just recently is reading to challenge myself. So I've always read like children's books in Spanish, you know, and at the beginning, my God, you should have heard me, you should have heard me read these children's books and like Google translate a lot of words because it's not stuff that we bring up in everyday conversation. You know, they're not words that you use at home, and you've never heard of them.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Yes, and even, you know, depending on where your family comes from, like my parents are both from the same rancho and it's a rancho. So there's a lot of slang, you know, rancho language that's not really like formal Spanish. And so there's so many words that even to this day, I'm like not even familiar with, you know, and I'm learning through books and these are children's books,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:right, right, and it humbles you. It really humbles you because you're like, you gotta learn, like, I didn't have a formal education in Spanish, which is something that I really want to attain someday, you know, but the, los acentos. And, like, all that, you start learning how to, like, read it, you know, as it's written with the accents, and I had to teach myself all of that. Um, now that my daughter is six, we started, well, I started challenging myself more, instead of just normal picture books, we picked up chapter books. And so I'm slowly learning, you know, proper Spanish or like advancing my Spanish as I teach my children as well. So it's really been beneficial to me, surprisingly. Um, I've really enjoyed that part. And I, I'm looking forward to homeschooling her and having the opportunity to spend more time on it, you know, every day with them as well. So I'm excited for what our Spanish will look like together, you know, in the future. I'm reading like, I'm reading Matilda to her right now. It's just like simple, like chapter book, but it's challenging, you know, for me and good for her to listen and take in.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Yes. Yes. Oh, that's, that is awesome. And you know, there's so much truth that you mentioned and really I resonate so much with you in terms of the mental load and researching, right? And trying to figure out even like books, you know, kind of going off of that, like in this conversation, like picking out books that are appropriate and that are translated well, because not all. Spanish books are created equal and even bilingual books too, like they're not created equal and you have to figure out, okay, is this like a legit translated, you know, version or is it someone that. Is just a translator but doesn't really know the Spanish language that is a little bit more universal and it's it's so hard and and yeah, I feel like, we carry on this additional weight of this aspect where many people don't talk about it and I'm glad that you are amplifying this. I know that. Diandra Morse, I don't know if you follow her bilingual playdate, like she's amazing also. And she shares a lot about the mental load. And I'm glad that both you and her are sharing this because so much of this resonates, to the bilingual community, especially moms who are being intentional and parents overall who are being intentional and raising bilingual kids. But as moms, And you hear a lot about the invisible load, the mental load, of parenting. But when it comes to raising bilingual kids, there's this added layer that we do so much. And I feel like my brain sometimes is overstimulated because of this, just trying to make sure. That, for example, I'm being intentional about like, what kind of people I should be meeting with and play groups, you know, making sure that. My kids are also talking to other kids who speak Spanish. And so, yeah, like little things like that, it's, it does add a lot of load. And so what would you recommend for mommies who are grappling between the mental load of raising bilingual kids, like what are some kind of recommendations that you have to not overstress themselves? And you've mentioned feeling, this imposter syndrome. What would you say to that
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:So I would say, number one, don't wait as long as I did to find a community. Um, I wish I would have done that a lot sooner, um, because as much as we sometimes feel like we're in our own little bubble and we're the only ones, you know, we're not, we're not. There's so many other women. that share, you know, the same experiences and are raising your, their kids in a similar way than you are. So that would be number one, is, is just reach out and find a community, surround yourself with other mommies who are doing the same thing, speaking to their kids in Spanish. And if you can't do that, if you don't find that, then Surround yourself with people who are okay with the way that you are choosing to raise your kids. Somebody who respects your bilingual and bicultural journey, and is completely, completely makes you feel okay with speaking Spanish around them, even though they don't understand the language. They respect it. They show support for it. Surround yourself with those kinds of people that aren't going to make you, you know, talk to your kids in English because you don't want to make anybody feel uncomfortable, you know, just be around people that. Let you be your authentic self and support your kids in whatever language that is. Like, we have great, um, I have a best friend and her husband, they have two girls, they only speak English and our kids are best of friends, even though, you know, my daughter can hardly form sentences and in English, but, um, they also, like my friend and her husband, They'll, like, learn Spanish words and say it to them, and, you know, they just try, they make that effort. So that, that really helps, and, I guess another thing is, don't hold back from who you really are and what you value don't hide your true authentic self for the comfort of others. Don't just assimilate to, to not be like, You know, the elephant in the room, be proud of what you're doing and know that it's important. Always go back to your why, whenever you feel that way, like, why am I doing this? Why is this important to me? And I caught myself, I talked about this on my page. I caught myself, you know, in certain situations, speaking to my daughter in English. And that, and she picks, they pick up on that. They're like, why are you doing that? Why are you being weird? You know? Yeah. Why am I being weird? Because of the societal pressure of, I know English too. You know, not just Spanish. I know English too and I need to speak it to prove it. You have nothing to prove to anybody. You do what works for you and for your family and know that you are giving them this huge advantage and gift in life, you know.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:yes, yes. Oh, I love it. So many great tips that you share here and, and I'm glad that we can at least start knowing and identifying that there are people who are raising bilingual kids and that we share this commonality and we build this community, right? I love that. I can go to your page or even reach out to you personally if, something were to happen right. And so I think it's definitely Starting off with finding the right people that understand you, who respect your decision. I think for us, I often feel that my little ones are kind of on their own. You know, there was this family party where my three year old just didn't want to play with his cousins and they are a little older. So there's like, you know, added layers to this where they're a little older. But they all speak English. Like every one of my family, all the kids speak English. And it is so hard because I feel like it makes me feel guilty. It makes me feel like, am I doing something wrong here? Like he's not interacting with his own cousins and, but then we have, you know, my niece and nephew, at least, um, from my sister, like they they're very, like. English dominant, but now they're also immersing themselves in speaking Spanish and they're doing an effort. So I think it just depends on every child really and how they feel comfortable in just interacting with someone that perhaps doesn't speak the same language. But Yeah, it is so hard. It's so hard. And there's this level of guilt but then I'm reminded of like people like you and other people that, you know, are a part of my community and my mommy tribe and raising bilingual kids. I'm like, no, like I know that I'm not the only one. And this is when I can be with all of y'all, you know, to, to relate and create this commonality and community really of, of other bilingual parents. So yes, I'm loving all of this.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I feel like there's like a, um, this double standard that we have because like, for example, when I hear somebody that comes from a foreign country, They speak English, and they speak it with an accent, but they speak it great, you know, they communicate great, and I, I always commend them, and I go, oh my gosh, your English is so good, you know, you, you're doing such a great job, but then when our kids have an accent in English, or when their English isn't perfect, It's like there's a spotlight on it all of a sudden, and it's not appreciated or seen in the same way as an adult who's learning a second language. It's like your child should have perfect English and have perfect Spanish. And it's like, You know, that's not real life. That's not how language learning works, you know. Especially when you're doing like, when you're doing it sequentially, when they're not learning both languages at the same time. We learned, you know, strictly Spanish, and now we're going into English. She's gonna have an English accent, you know, until it gets better, and that's okay, and that's normal. That doesn't mean like, we're not doing a good job in teaching them English. It's just, you know, We're not there yet. It's a process, I feel like we have to let go of that, like perfectionism and. Stop taking, you know, those things personal, and stop just kind of feeling that guilt of like, should I have taught them more English so that their English would be better by now when they speak to other kids? Or what do other parents think of my kids English? Or what do other kids think? Are they going to get made fun of? You know, there's so many things to worry about. And we just, we, we can't let it get to us and let it like, just derail our plan. You know, just stick to the plan and eventually we'll get there, you know?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:and I often feel like sometimes even in our community that we get that shame. And I think it's because of the older generation, right? In a way they had to assimilate, they perhaps raised these like no sabo kids and and which we are a part of that generation. And depending on how we grew up and depending on, the level of just like being comfortable in. Being surrounded by the Spanish language, like we then get to choose whether if you want to continue on with raising, English dominant kids versus, bilingual or Spanish dominant kids. And I think it's all brought back to the way that we were raised and for the moms who. don't feel comfortable in their Spanish or who don't, who grew up like no Sabo, if you will. How do we like relearn the language all while raising bilingual kids? How can we feel a little comfortable in that? Um, any tips that you can provide?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I would say just learn the language with them and, and look at it from that perspective as, as like, we are learning Spanish together. You know, not just like I'm teaching my, my kids Spanish because then that puts this huge responsibility on you to be the expert, to be the Spanish teacher. And. You know, if you're not, if your Spanish isn't what you would like it to be, and there's so much room for improvement, then I think shifting your mindset to, we are learning Spanish together as a family can make such a huge difference because then it takes away a lot of that pressure of having to be perfect, um, and it changes it, switches it over to perfect. We're practicing our Spanish every day and we are getting better at it together. Whether that's reading every single day, you know, switching, like we, all of our television is in Spanish, all of our music is in Spanish. I'm very intentional even about music. You know, I have a playlist for kids, um, just there's so many little things that you can do to learn along with them. And I think it's totally okay and we need to normalize that, like normalize the fact that we grew up here, we grew up in the U. S. We are never gonna be to that native level that people expect us to be or that in our head we have to be. We're, we're never, that's not our life. That's not, you know, an, a reachable goal for us. Unless we really go into like higher ed in Spanish or something, you know, but we just have to stop comparing ourselves to people that live in Mexico and grew up in Mexico and, you know, spoke it all their lives. We don't have the same experience and we can't be held to that same standard. So it's okay to, um, You know, start teaching yourself to read in Spanish, whether it's children's books, audio books, listening to podcasts in Spanish, um, just listening to even television. Do you know how many new words I've learned from watching Bluey?
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Yes.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I'll sit and watch, you know, and we have movie night every Friday. It's always in Spanish. Yeah. Um, it's always in Spanish and you, man, we learned so much from that. It's incredible because. It's not words you grew up hearing and that's okay. Like we learned, I'm trying to post that more on my page, like a word of the day, you know, because I swear I learn a word every single day or my kids ask me something and I'm like, I don't know. Let me, and I, I made that normal. They asked me, they were like, mom, can you look up how to say this word? Like, and I'm like, let me see. So
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Preguntale a tu reloj, como se dice en ingles? Because, you know, when he's asking me, how do you say this in Spanish? I'm like, you know, honestamente, no se. He's like, pues, preguntale a tu reloj, like Siri. But Siri is like, castellano Spanish. And I'm like, we technically don't use this Spanish, but let's learn together.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:funny. That's another thing, huh? Like, that's crazy. When you're watching Spanish TV and some of it isn't, like, Spanish. Like, Spain Spanish. And it's so different. Oh my gosh. There's just so much to learn. And books, you know, like, you're like reading it, all of a sudden it says, Vosotros. And you're like, So
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:so different. but that's the beauty of it. right? That you still get to connect, Spanish can connect you with so many people around the world. It's not just like Mexico, because our parents are from Mexico, but like, even for you as a, having a Peruvian husband, like that is awesome. And, it's just having this understanding that Spanish. Even though it is universal, it is so different depending on, where it comes from. And, but still like kids can connect with it and kids can relate to it and they understand, and it's just awesome. It's beautiful. And thank you so much for sharing all of these tips. I really appreciate it. And, uh, I'll see you in the next one. And I have one final question for you in which I did not prepare you for it, but I ask my guests on the show, how are you redefining motherhood?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:I am redefining motherhood by not being afraid to be the first one to do things differently in my family. Um, I am, you know, in our culture, I feel like a lot of our upbringing was always, Porque yo dije. You know, why? Porque yo dije. Or, why do we do this? And, and you could never really get a clear cut answer. It was just, this is the way things have always been done. And I want to be like the, er, I want to be the one to just stop that. And, show my kids that it's okay to do things differently, to do your own research, to do what feels right, you know, in your gut. And whether that makes you like the black sheep of your family, like you say, that's how I totally feel that way. Um, because you know, you're the first one to do it this way. You're the first one to homeschool, to teach your kids only Spanish, to, you know, so many firsts. Um, it kind of singles you out. From, you know, the way things have always been done in your family, but I want to, it gives me peace knowing that I'm parenting, you know, consciously in the way that I want, and I'm making the best informed decisions for my children. And I'm not just blindly guiding or leading them, you know, in the way that I was led or in the way that my family was led. You know, what approve of, I am just, this is my own motherhood journey. Not anybody else's. And I want to have peace later on in life, knowing that I did my best that I could in everything. Um, and I didn't just do things because I was told that that's the way they were supposed to be. I always. Say, like, go with your gut as a mom, because 99 percent of the time, you're right. I say that as a nurse, too, because anytime something's off with your baby, like, mom knows. Mom knows better than anybody. And so I just, I'm redefining it that way as far as picking The great parts of my upbringing and my childhood and just all of the things that I loved and getting rid of all of the things that don't serve me, that affected me, that hurt me, that I didn't like. That I don't want to instill into my own children.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Yes. Love it. Love it. Thank you so much for sharing this. And yeah, there's a lot of traumas that we grew up with. Um, and now It's up to us to change that right to break those cycles, and I'm glad that you are being very intentional in your parenting, specifically your bilingual parenting as well. I love what you're doing. Can you share to my listeners where they can find you and connect with you?
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:Yeah. So my, I'm only on Instagram cause that's all I can handle. Uh, it's a Spanish dot in dot Casita. So Spanish and Casita, which is essentially what we do. Um, I try to, you know, post regular regularly on there. I share books and things that I do with my kids and, you know, I share a lot about it. The bilingual, um, mental load and just mommyhood things, just Latina mom things, funny things, small, uh, businesses, Latina owned small businesses, just anything that brings me joy and that I can, you know, relate to other people with,
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Yes. Thank you. I'll make sure to share that in the show notes as well. That way people can follow you if they haven't heard from you yet. I think you're raising Thanks wonderful children who are able to connect with their culture, their language, and who will be more empathetic because that's what we need in this world right now.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:right, right. And thank you so much for having me. I've been enjoying your podcast so much. I think it's the very first podcast I've ever really related to. So I've been like binge listening to it.
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Oh,
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:And it's been, it's been really good for like my, it's my, my mental health right now, I'm really working on like self caring. So you've been helping me with that because any like little downtime I have, I'll put it on and listen, and I just think it's so important that you're giving this platform to everyday regular moms and experts and just talking about all the hard things that need to be talked about. Make people feel seen and heard and just you know I'm always like inspired at the end of every episode because I learned something or like, oh like that's so awesome Like me too, you know, I've never felt that way in a podcast before so you're doing great. I love what you're doing
jessica_1_06-01-2024_090934:Thank you. I appreciate it, Erika. Thank you so much.
erika-milla_1_06-01-2024_070925:welcome. Thank you for having me
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