Viva la Mami - Latina Motherhood, Modern Parenting, Latina Well-Being

138. How to Navigate Unexpected Childbirth and NICU Challenges with Xochitl Carmona

• Jessica Cuevas • Season 5 • Episode 138

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I had the most vulnerable and empowering conversation with Xochitl Carmona, founder of Werk Mija and host of the Werk Mija podcast. As a fellow Latina entrepreneur and now mami, Xochitl opened up about her "dramatica" entrance into motherhood, her NICU experience, and how she's intentionally redefining what it means to be a Latina mother while running a successful business. This conversation touched my heart because it reminded me why we need to keep sharing our stories - especially the ones our cultura has taught us to keep quiet about.

For detailed show notes, visit vivalamami.com/episode138

What You'll Hear:

  • How Xochitl transitioned from solo entrepreneur to intentional mama business owner and the mindset shifts that came with new priorities
  • Her raw and honest birth story - from a healthy pregnancy to an emergency C-section due to HELLP Syndrome and 48 days in the NICU
  • Why she decided to break the cultural silence around traumatic birth experiences and how vulnerability became her strength
  • The challenges of being a NICU mama and how she's advocating for other families going through similar experiences
  • Her approach to redefining motherhood by leading with intention rather than following outdated expectations

Resources Mentioned:

Ways to Follow Xochitl:

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xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

So help syndrome. It's basically when, like the liver and enzyme levels are just kind of off, you're, you have low platelets. So it's like osis, elevated liver enzymes, low platelets and basically your, your body's just kind of breaking down in itself. on the day there with my husband, they're like, you have help syndrome. I don't really know what this is. I just know the best option for this is to. Like preeclampsia. It's to cure, it is to deliver the baby right then and there. That's what's gonna be best for mom and baby and for me under anesthesia. So basically I couldn't be awake and because of that, my husband couldn't be there with me. You know, but you know, what do you do? We're like, okay. Like, then they're like, and we need to move now. So very dramatic. So I was like, oh, this baby's being born today.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Ola, Ola Amiga. Welcome to another episode of Viva la Mami podcast. I am. So honored to have an amazing HIA and overall who is doing so much for the community through her products. And just like the messaging that she has, I, I have her sweater, but it's already packed in Mexico. I really want to spotlight, this, business just cause I feel like Xochitl have. Done a really unique business model, I think, and I would love to hear a little bit more about that, but also your motherhood story, because that's something that, it really hit me as, as a listener who also listens to your podcast, the Werk Mija podcast. And I think that, there's just a lot that. Latinos have to break from. And the first thing that we need to do is just share and talk about our experiences. So I think this episode's gonna be a little bit of twofold, right? Uh, you as a business owner, but you as a mama as well. So, Xochitl, if you can tell our listeners a little bit more about yourself and we can get this

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Of course. Hello. Thank you so much for having me on. Hello everybody. My name is X Carmona. I am the owner of a Werk Mija and Appel branded podcast. For Latinas who unapologetically celebrate their culture through empowering and relatable messages. We started off with just a cafecito monk because our love for cafecito is embedded in our culture so much. That was our"Chingona Fuel" mug. And since then we've expanded to apparel accessories with motivational sayings like our"Bet on yourself mija" sweatshirt."No pares mija" T-shirts. And as I become a mommy now we have sweatshirts and merch, like the"Mamis Club: Cansada AF" sweatshirts and coffee mugs. But I am a Latina from Chicago South Side, and I also grew up in the little village neighborhood, predominantly Mexican neighborhood here in Chicago. I graduated from the University of Illinois, uh, Champaign Urbana. And I, at some point just was not fulfilled with my career and I decided, you know, in 2020 I'm gonna start Werk Mija, because this is a brand. This was something that I really wanted for myself. I wanted my culture represented in my home goods and in my apparel items. And we are about to celebrate five years in September.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Wow, that's awesome.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Thank you.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

That's amazing. No, that's great. And I, I've been knowing about your business for a very long time. Uh, right when we were out of that quarantine, right. Like shelter in place. And so as we were like kind of slowly coming out, uh, I remember going to this event. At the Berwyn Shops and you had your little storefront and I loved it. I just loved the quality of the products, but also just like the messaging and how, uh, culturally related and relevant it is to our community. And I often struggle with finding products that literally speak our language. And so I'm so glad and. you know, selfishly, I'm, I just love that you're local here in the Chicago area because I think that we need a lot of representation specifically on the

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

uh, because I don't really see that, I see that a lot in like California and Texas, but oftentimes I don't see that as, uh, quite often here in the Midwest specifically. So kudos to you. I love it. And, and so now you are a mama. And so how has becoming a mom changed the way that you run your business? Can you tell us a little bit more, especially for those moms who are either entrepreneurs or aspiring entrepreneurs, or that are entrepreneurs but are transitioning into motherhood, how does that really

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Oh, it has changed so drastically. So honestly, for those who don't know, I am what you would call a solo entrepreneur. It is just. Predominantly me, obviously, you know, I have great support and help from like my husband you know, parents, uh, family, friends who are really great getting the word out about my business. They kind of help here and there when and where they can. But a lot of it's me, it's me designing, it's me coming up with every phrase and everything you see for our merchandise. Also, it's me doing the podcast, it was me doing the storefront, uh, here and there. I would have help, like contractually kind of helping with stuff. So. I have to like even think about it too. It's like when I think about 2023, me when, you know, I feel like there was, that was the year of the bro shops. That was probably my craziest year ever. That was going into three years in business versus 2025. Me, maybe even 20, 24, me, 2024. I was pregnant as of like January, up until July and then we had baby, right? Like it's almost like two different people. And I even, I sometimes like it initially I would kind of think of it like, oh, is this like my slow down quote unquote. But I do like to kind of think of it as more of, I'm more intentional about how I do business now. I feel like as the years have progressed in my business too, I have been more intentional about where I put my time and energy. And I think especially now more than ever, that I'm a mom. My energy, I want the majority of it to go towards my son, my family, right? So when I think about opportunities, it's not only financial, is it a good opportunity, but is it worth my energy? Is it really, it has to be worth my time. And you know, is this worth my time away from my son? I have to. I factor that in too as well. And 2023, like I said, I was a solo entrepreneur. It was very much like, like let's go, go, go, go, go. It was, you know, the Chino na fuel to the max. and it was just like, oh, hey, there's this opportunity. I would kind of factor it into does it make sense for me on the larger scale? Because as much as, you know, I'm kind of doing as much as possible, I have to wear my CEO hat more than every anything. And if I'm doing all the little things, you know. I can't be doing the larger scale strategic planning. So even in 2023, I was still kind of thinking like that, but it was like, Hey, it is a great opportunity. Let's jump on it. Oh, this is on a Tuesday, a Thursday afternoon, let's do it. You know, like my schedule is my own. Now as a mom, my schedule is not my own.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yep.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

I have a new boss. You know, it's. It obviously, especially when it's like a weekend event. You know, dad's there. Alright, cool. You know, he works Monday through Friday as a teacher. Weekends, you know, I can do an event, I can jump on that a little bit easier, but sometimes, you know, some of these corporate events, they're gonna be on a Thursday starting at 9:00 AM to like four during the day Friday. I have really great help from like my, and like my stepmom and dad even. So during the week, you know, it's like, uh, are, but it's like, are you available now? I have to kind of check with someone else. So it's kind of like my freedom in a way to do what I think is best is kind of cont contingent upon somebody else's schedule uh, based off of what I can kind of do. So I think it's changed like that. And even for me though, because. Being in the Berwyn shops, having a physical storefront was just so time consuming. Like we are only open Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And for those who don't know, it's like a kind of an entrepreneurial program. Unfortunately we could only be there only for a season which I wish, hopefully we get the opportunity to do it again. They open it up. but that was exhausting and having to be somewhere physically every day. I already knew for like 2024. I was gonna focus more on like wholesale. Where I could, you know, do production from home on my own. More of like on my own time, work from home type things. That was already the plan. And then I got pregnant and then I was like, well, luckily that worked out because, you know, it was harder to do in-person events too. Uh, just because physically, right. I'm a first time mom. I know there's some moms who are out there pumping out iron, you know, working out like crazy. Like, good for you. Good for you, girl. I wish I could, I wish I could, but one. I was way too tired. And two, I was just, you know, paranoid, you know, I was like, I just wanna do, I did nice long walks and try to keep the energy that way, but I was, you know, kind of paranoid about how much I should be like caring and that's just physically taxing to begin with. So I think moving on now with my child, those are some of the things I'm thinking about. But then also it's like, how can I kind of be at home a little bit more? But I also like that. I have the job or created the job for myself and the schedule, and I can kind of create that schedule that works for us now.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Which,, that's the freedom of entrepreneurship, right? We get to pick and choose what is a priority, what is realistic, and what would give you the best ROI Return on investment. Whether if that's time or money that you want to invest in. And, and I think that that is the beauty of it. But also how intentional you are as well. And I appreciate you sharing that. Because oftentimes for me, even like personally, I struggle because I'm like, oh my gosh, I want to have all my T's crossed, all my i's dotted. You know? And, and that's because I'm that type. A type person, and I'm such a perfectionist, and I'm like, okay, I want this all to go according to plan. But as we know, when you have kids, they can get sick or, you know, they, an accident happened. Oh my gosh. My kid literally just busted his finger because the older brother literally closed the door at him. I, and I'm

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Oh my God.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

On? And so it does make it a little hard in that way, but I think that. It's also important that as a mom and entrepreneur, you build this community, that you have this community. So I don't know have you built a community of other mamas who are entrepreneurs and how relatable is it, or how empowering is it for you to build, to have this

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

I think it's not something I've built from the ground up. I think it's more so now connecting more with those maybe friends that I've had on a different level who are also moms. It's a very much now like, ah, you get it. Uh, I get it now, you know? I have some HEA

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Mm-hmm.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

where they're just like, you know, when I'm a mom, I wanna be a mom, you know, so I'm going to take my time to respond to you business wise because I'm in mom mode, you know? And I was like, wow, I, I get that now myself too, for me. I felt like I was very much like, I need to get back to this. I need to get back to this like asap, asap, you know, type of a deal. But for me now, it's very much like if you're not my son, it's not urgent. I'm sorry, you're not my, if you're not my child, it's not that urgent. You can wait. I need to put that on my, like e email. Send off or sign off. If you're not my child, you can wait 24 to 48 hours for a response.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. Yes. And, and it's telling, you know, who a woman who's not, especially for the direct people. Right. I'm not talking about those

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

or whatever, right. That are just like trying to scam you. But yeah, and it is telling, you know, who

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

who is not and, and you know, sometimes. We have to give ourselves grace, you know? And for me, like I, I get very anxious to not respond to someone, but I'm like, you know what? No. Like,

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

priority. There's a reason why I decided to be a stay at home mom. I two out of nine to five and different types of careers. And I decided to just leave that behind and start anew and, and build, you know, Viva ami, but also to focus on. Raising my two little ones. And it does make it difficult for those that don't get it until it hits

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

until they become moms and they're like, oh, I actually understood. And that was me too. Like, I remember when I would be impatient with

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Who was a mom before me. And I was like, why isn't she responding back? Or why isn't, you know, she attending the events that

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

mm

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

But

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

You get it.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

It's hard. Motherhood is hard, and yeah, karma has

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Or you know, like the people who get where it's like, yeah, it takes me two to three business days to respond to a text. You know, if I responded, if I responded right away, guess what? You caught me hands free. Maybe baby's baby is with Papa or something. Or it's 11:00 PM at night and I'm catching up, you know?

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

I know the struggle is real, let me tell you. And so let's, uh, talk about your story because I think that I really wanna highlight your birth story. And I've had many mama share. there are birth stories, and I think this is as, as a Latina motherhood podcast, right? I want to spotlight those specific experiences and stories so that other maas who either are listening or who knows, someone who has experiences that they're not alone. I think it's very important for us to share, you know, but there are certain things that we keep. And it's like, no, this is an opportunity for us to kinda open up. And your episode episode 72 of the Werk Mija podcast. It's titled Dramática Entrance Into Motherhood, which I love. Yeah, like you shared such a vulnerable story And how it made you decide to open up about your NICU experience. So can you tell our listeners a little bit more? Obviously they can listen to your own episode, but just a little glimpse of it as far as with, why you decide to open up to, um, the public about

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

sure. And I don't know why I had a feeling it'd be. Entrance into mother. Like, I just, I just knew, or even in the episode I kind of mentioned I had a dream, you know, uh, during that, like, uh, halfway through scan, 20 weeks, you know that this baby is going to come two months early and it was the craziest dream ever. I've always been, been a vivid dreamer. I was due in September, so I was like, oh, okay, we're gonna have a, we're planning for September. Baby came two months early in July, just like I had predicted in the dream. And I remember texting my sister, I was like, uh, you probably gonna think I'm crazy, but I gotta tell somebody in the case that this happens, this dream fully comes into fruition and I gotta document it. That, you know, I'm not just making these things up. And it was like I had a dream. I blacked out. And my son came two months early. This is before I predicted gender. This is, you know, when I thought my due date was gonna be. And you know, in general, people were asking me, what is your birth plan? And it's weird. We, like you said, I am very Type A too. And so I thought during my pregnancy, like I'm gonna be very like rigid, crazy, hangry, BA type A. I was super chill. I was a complete opposite. Like I was very much like, go with the flow, you know, chilling, unbothered vibes. Don't worry that change back to myself now. But you know, people would ask me, I was like, birthplace. I was like, I guess I should, you know, do some, what are people still doing Lama? Like, what's going on? Like, you know, can I look up a video online birthing, right. I'm think, I'm thinking it's gonna be a, a vaginal experience. You never know. And that was always in the back of my mind. You never know. All I want is for everyone to be happy, healthy, and safe, and you know, somehow that somewhat ended up happening. But honestly, I was healthy. I was healthy throughout all of my pregnancy. It was very just smooth sailing. At most. I was super tired. I had the second trimester was like that second trimester. What is it like the energy boost you get, which is really, really great,

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yeah.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

also, if you're an entrepreneur pregnant, second trimester, like, don't let second trimester d Lulu, uh, make you overload your schedule. Like think like I can, I can do an event at like 31, 32 weeks pregnant at. No, you can't girl.'cause as soon as I hit that third trimester, I was like, no, you can't cancel that, cancel that.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yeah.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

But you know, we're a monitoring baby and, you know, he was starting to look a little bit smaller in general, but everything was always good and healthy. So, you know, just to be safe, they put me on just to kind of heart monitor rate and do ultrasounds. Everything was great, I think, until my blood pressure. Was raised. I've never had high blood pressure. I really didn't have any other significant symptoms. Because once again, I feel like that's the thing too. A lot of preeclampsia type symptoms can also be pregnancy symptoms, right? Like you're extra exhausted.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Like you're tired,

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Your your feet, your feet are swollen, my feet would get swollen. But if it was really hot and I was walking and then, you know, they'd kind of go back down. Right. So I, any of these quote unquote symptoms I was having, I was starting to feel like crap. But I was like, is it pregnancy or is it something else? And. You know, until I got that high blood pressure reading, uh, is when they took me into extra monitoring. And I especially wanted to share my story too, because I had never heard about HELP Syndrome, which is what I was diagnosed with. And I feel like a lot of people probably hadn't heard of Help Syndrome. I've heard of preeclampsia. I've, I've never heard of Help Syndrome, which is what I was diagnosed with.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

And

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Sorry.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

our listeners who don't know what that is, can you explain to us what it is or it, I'm

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

an acronym, right? Like,

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah. So help syndrome, it's to put it lightly, it's a more severe form of preeclampsia and it's so severe. It's in its own category. So help syndrome. It's basically when, like the liver and enzyme levels are just kind of off, you're, you have low platelets. So it's like osis, elevated liver enzymes, low platelets and basically your, your body's just kind of breaking down in itself. You know, you don't have those, the platelets is what's kind of helps you from hemorrhaging. it kind of helps you from bleeding out. so because I was diagnosed with that and on the spot, they're like, okay, you have a couple of options. But. This is why we don't recommend a vaginal birth and, or a regular C-section where it's with an epidural, which, you know, typically you'll see you're awake. You, they kind of just have like that blue type of, uh, tarp like over you. But you can still kind of be aware. But like they said, you couldn't do that because of your health syndrome because basically you probably wouldn't, you probably wouldn't survive it.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Oh

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

And I remember as we were monitoring baby, they're like, as long as they kind of get around to the 32 weeks that's what's going to be safest for baby. And we had just made it to, that was a 32 and a half weeks. So I mean, just to kind of on the day there with my husband, they're like, you have help syndrome. I don't really know what this is. I just know the best option for this is to. Like preeclampsia. It's to cure, it is to deliver the baby right then and there. That's what's gonna be best for mom and baby and for me under anesthesia. So basically I couldn't be awake and because of that, my husband couldn't be there with me. You know, but you know, what do you do? We're like, okay. Like, then they're like, and we need to move now. So very dramatic. So I was like, oh, this baby's being born today.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Oh wow. Yeah, and I'm sure that, I mean, could hit anyone, right? And, and just like sudden and unexpectedly and knowing that you're in this transition of, of being a mom too, like there's just so many nuggets here that it's just. Wild. And, and you mentioned on your episode that you talked about not feeling like a mom right

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

birth. Is it because like suddenly dramatically is it because you felt that you weren't prepared? Because I don't know if your, you know, the bag was packed or whatever. Right. So like, can you share more about that experience? Like why did you feel that

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah, I feel like because I blacked out and I woke up and it's like you quote unquote had a baby who, where's the baby? You know, and you, I don't know how many days it is when you typically do like, maybe like a vaginal birth. A hospital stays at like two day, one day, two days. but for me, I think we went in, it was at Tuesday. He was born at 3:00 PM and then we, I think we got discharged Friday. So I was there. Obviously c-section recovery a little bit longer, and it's because you're there and it's almost like. I guess you are in this whirlwind plus you're doped up on like magnesium. to sp specifically keep you from having seizures because of the HELP syndrome. Because even what I learned, even after you give birth, which is what's supposed to help, you know, cure the help syndrome, you're still at risk of postpartum health syndrome. So you can still have a seizure, you can still be complications. I'm like, great. So it's like you're, you're kind of navigating in like a daze. You're not there with your baby. You know, luckily he was in the nicu and my husband was great going back and forth, uh, visiting him, visiting me, but he don't have him there physically.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yeah.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

like that part gets me all the time.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

And I think it's because, you know, we often think of. Childbirth

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

bliss. We think of childbirth as like just this positive experience. Very, it's very sweet and you know, everything's gonna be okay. And the thing is though. has their own unique experience, and for those that we often want to have their experience are the ones that just have amplified that these voices, right? They've amplified like, oh my gosh, I had such

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

and it was great. The ones that are often silenced are the ones that have had

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

birth experience, and especially in our community, in our, like, you don't hear about this until years later, like. I just knew that one of my second Theos was a

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Oh yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

and guess he participated his parents, like, had him participate in this research study about, you know, babies and, and how it's like being in the nicu. And this was

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

the eighties and

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

what? Like, I didn't know this. Like, you know, and so it's like, no, like I think you are. Still

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Oh, yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

because

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

right? You are still thinking about that and that experience itself. And and I just can't imagine what it's like for a mama to

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

in and not really share it to

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Oh yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

who either expecting or who have had that experience. And, and it's not to like, you know, scare

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

I don't think that that is the mission or, know, or to make. People feel guilty, like for myself, right? Like I had a very quote unquote normal type of birth experience, and I shouldn't

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

either. I know that it gets complicated, right? Because a lot of times it's like, well, I wish I had your experience or this, this and that, right? But I think that it's just a matter of normalizing our experiences and recognizing that each. Story is going to be different. Each birth story is going to be different. And so I don't know if you have any thoughts about that. Like you, had this experience, like how did, how are you healing with this? I guess that's my question.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Honestly, it's talking about it. I am a talker. I am a CI am a communicator. Like in my relationships, like I, if there's an issue or something, I need to talk about it. I just need to verbal word vomit out in order to ba, you know, just like. Feel better about it. You know, I did, I was doing therapy, talk therapy, and I feel like that helps. It just helps you process a lot of things. and just letting yourself feel right. Just cry, you know? And typically I've, like, pre therapy is just very much like, no, like don't, but honestly, it's like, girl, just be a, like, let it out like a lot of times for me, until I let it out. Like, does that help? And honestly, even like, I feel like stress for me presents itself so physically if it gets to be too much. I've had so many instances in my life where, and I, it's like, you know, whether it's like work stress, life stress, like where it'll, a couple things happen either if it's really bad like my neck like I just can't move my neck, like the, like nerve damage or something. I remember the doctor's like, I don't know why you get this. And it was happening to me for a while and it was like tic colitis. I don't know what, but basically it was happening during extreme stress. And then most recently, whenever I've had it, and then I have extreme back pain. And I remember I was like, do I need to see a chiropractor? Do I need, no, it was stre. I just needed to cry. I just needed to have a good cry. And it's just crazy how much like, you know, keeping it in can really affect you physically.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Oh

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

so no, let it out. Talk about it. But then also I think a part of me Too, why I wanna talk about, it's not only for like other moms to feel like they're not alone for other moms who, because like you said, there's like this idea of what your pregnancy or what your birth story. You know, should be like. Right. But I think it's also for like family and friends of someone who is pregnant, is a mom who has given birth. I guess it's not something we talked about with like our family. Something I highly encourage, you know? But like, obviously we were just like. I'm kind of glad, maybe like a little bit, uh, post COVID, there's like more regulations, how many people can be in the room. Right. You know, so it's, uh, so I was like, I don't care if my parents ask him, be like, they said only one. I only, I only want my husband there. There are some people who want their moms there, you know? Okay.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yeah.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Understandably so. If that's you, I only want my husbands there. That's our experience. For me personally, that's, you know, what I wanted. But I think especially for family members to understand maybe for after. Birth experience because I don't, I feel like a lot of people just assume you had a baby, let me go visit you in the hospital.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Mm-hmm.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

I guess I didn't think I needed to tell people like, I don't wanna see you like in the hospital. Or there's people who like try to come afterwards, whatever. But I think especially with that experience, you know, I'm recovering from a C-section, you know, my baby's in the nicu. It's a little bit more, you know, like. I did have family show up, but not only show up, but show up unannounced. You know, like

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Oh my God.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

you, that was just, okay. Not only that, but then they came with like, thank you so much. I, I appreciate the thought, but from my perspective, you're coming with flowers and balloons. This is a, this isn't a hotel stay. This is a tiny little room. And I just gave birth. I don't know what's going on. There's all these things, more stuff we have to pack into the car more. Like don't, don't bring flowers. Don't bring gifts. Like wait till I get to wait till I get home. And even then, for me personally, even less,'cause I've got a whole baby to take care of, you know? So there's like that whole like, why did you come? You know, like maybe let's think about this. Ask, let's ask the birth mom. What do you want?

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yep.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

the best time to visit? And or if you are gonna visit, bring me food, you better come with food. You know, don't come to visit just to see the baby, like you do something for me.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Exactly. Like, come do the laundry for

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

you know, wash the dishes for me. Don't just sit and just like hold the

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

and,

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

especially for that experience too, it, it was like a whole different thing. I think a lot of family members didn't realize what the situation was. You know, and I think for someone like me who has like high anxiety too, I'm, uh, over here trying to recover. I have quote unquote guests, so I'm feeling like, am I supposed to entertain you? They're like, no, no. Then I was like, what are we gonna do? You just wanna chitchat, like, I'm recovering. I want to go see my child, if anything, you know? So I also share for that purpose.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yes, absolutely. And, and there's no shame about that, right? Like, I think that you have every Right. To just talk about how you, how you felt, right? Because I, I'm sure that at that moment you were. such a vulnerable state, right, where you can't, you know, you just didn't have the opportunity to speak up. But I think now it's just like, an

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yes.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

moment. I don't wanna say like a lesson or, you know, you know, like we're not, we're not trying to guilt you, but I, I think it's more so how can we

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yes.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

about this if another situation were to come? Because you never know, like there's so many. Again, childbirth. Is it, it, it's something that will never

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Like even like if you have a second baby, your second childbirth is going to be completely different than your first, and, that's something that I think we just need to bring that awareness. And it sucks that, a lot of times, like people have to do the work, like you are doing the work of like talking and sharing and it could be triggering for you or it could be, you know, again, you, you may cry again and, and stuff. But I'm glad that you are speaking up and you are sharing your story so that family can be aware of this and. That way they know, what they should or shouldn't do. And I know that it's so hard, especially in like, we're all

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

And I get it. But, with your baby being in the nicu what was the hardest part of being about being a NICU mom? And what kind of support did you get during those days while your baby was there? Yeah, I'm curious how you were treated

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah. Honest, the hardest part is leaving him there every day, which we had to do for 48 days. I. You know, not to say that the days got easier. I think we just became a little numb maybe. Or it was just like, there's just so much going on while you're there, you know? So it's like, it's just go, go, go, go, go. Meanwhile, mind you, I should be recovering from a C-section, but from day one, you know, I'm trying to weather the first couple days via wheelchair, you know, having my husband take me. The next couple days, it's like, yeah, you should do some mild exercise. You know, walk a little bit and walk right. But you're walking through a hospital. So it's like, I, I can, I, I don't even feel like I ever really did recover, which I feel like is a whole nother thing for C-section moms, you know? So it's like you, and like even different things in ways trying to like, you know, take care of him and stuff. But honestly, I think having to leave him every night, and I think it would always get to me. On our way home. I, that's when it was like, I'm fine. I'm fine. As soon as we would kind of like get to our block, it's like you're coming home and you're coming home to your quote unquote, like empty nest, right?

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yeah.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

that was the hardest part. But also I am thankful that I chose the hospital that we chose because it was central, you know, rush Hospital here in Chicago. It was central to everybody.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Mm-hmm.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

And also I think it was, once again, my husband, it was gonna be his first year teaching. So it kind of worked out. I say Mateo did us a solid, you know, two months early, so we kind of had that, you know, August before he started, you know, school to kind of be there in the hospital with me every day, to, so we could go.'cause we were gonna be there every day. But then after a while we have one car, so how are we gonna do this right? Especially'cause the hospital's great and there's a whole program where you can get free parking for NICU parents, which is a blessing and a financial blessing on its own because, you know, hospital parking is not cheap and. So we got that covered, but then it was like only a one in, one out type of a deal. So I was like, how do we do it? You know? Do you drop me off before you get to work? Do I drop you off? And, you know, it was crazy. But luckily my brother-in-law was like, I'll take you, uh, and then Frankie can come my husband and, you know, pick you up. And we didn't know how long we were gonna be there. We're like, this could be a while, dude. But he did it, you know? And. I was so grateful for that because that was one less stressor because even just being there from like 10:00 AM uh, which even I still feel guilty about being there. So quote unquote late, right till 8:00 PM at night. Right.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Hmm.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Till as late as, you know, I kind of could be. That's so draining. I. It's draining to be in the hospital. We did get a, I think they have a great program for the nicu where we could kind of leave our stuff there. That was our room. We could have a breast pumping machine designated just for me so that I could essentially keep up. With the pumping, which I'm grateful I was able to pump milk. But you know, they did have a program there, you know, maybe for moms, if your milk didn't come in, they have like milk donors from like women who have an excess supply, which was great. But I'm gonna admit, at the same time I was like. I was gonna feel some type of way if I had to give my son the donor milk, you know, I know it would be great. What Fed is best, right? Whatever you way you choose. We do formula now. You know, fed is best, but I know, you know, for that to be his first personally I think, you know, I would've felt, but you know, my milk came in. He's only had mama's milk and look Kirkland Formula now. Uh. But, you know, I was able to do that and even they say, you know, having pumping with your baby there also helps.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Mm-hmm.

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

in general, we had a good hospital stay. We had some great support. You know, we had family who would come a visit, grandparents and, you know, siblings when they kind of could. So I was, I was, I was grateful. You know, he had family there.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

yeah, and again, we don't think about like those long stays, we don't think about, not returning back home with our baby and. I'm just glad that I, I have you here that you are able to share your story once again because it's, it's just a matter of normalizing this conversation. Just like you think of the conventional and typical way of when a baby is born, right? Like, there are so many nuances and, and I've had a variety of mamas here on the podcast, similar to your experience as a NICU mom, my very own cousin who had her baby. Very early. Also a mama who had to birth a stillborn baby. And again, we just don't talk about these things and, uh, I, I am just so appreciative of you just sharing and, and what that experience was like. And again, we, we mentioned how in our cultura, you know, just we don't. I guess the Latino culture doesn't recognize or encourage talking about traumas. And so how are you trying to change that conversation in addition to you sharing your story, right? Like, what are ways that either you are advocating for NICU moms or for, babies who were born early, like what. I'm just wondering if you're doing any work to, dismantle the, the silence that oftentimes our Cultura

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yeah, I mean September is NICU awareness month, you know, so stuff like that, like let's highlight it. Or even C-section Moms, April was C-section Mom Awareness month. You know, I know there's some people who I've never heard. Someone tell me directly where they're just like, you know, you'll hear like, oh,'cause you had a C-section, you didn't actually, you know, that's not a true mom or true way to give birth. I pray for the day for someone to come up to me and tell me that, like, oh hell no. You know? So like, advocate for that. Or I think just in general, like, I think a big part of my sharing my story was because another Latina friend, you know, kind of shared her journey with her son. And I was like, wow, like had you not kind of shared that, I think that kind of helped me get through my stay and just kind of seeing, you know, the progression and like that day of when her son kind of finally came home. But I think also just in general, I think changing it for the future, you know, for my son and, you know, little things, you know, I'm gonna parent differently as in something as small as. When things come up, ask him. How does that make you feel? That's something my parents, you know, didn't know how, you know, we were in trouble or I don't know. Just in general, like, okay, I'm sad, you know? It's like, oh, don't be sad, you know? Okay. Well how about, what do you, how do you feel about that? How do you feel? I don't think I've ever heard my parents ask me that. How do you feel? Something bad happening, but like, how does that make you feel? So I was like, I know that's something as small as that. Even, you know, asking my son for that next generation. Let's talk about our feelings. Let's process our feelings together. Because I feel like the previous generation's very much like, you have to be strong. You don't have to be strong. Being strong is being vulnerable, I think. So I think. Being vulnerable also is a way that I'm kind of advocating because, you know, it's like a weakness sometimes people think being vulnerable. But I think it's a strength.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

I love it. I love And for a mama who's like, you know, she either had a very traumatic birth experience or having, uh, complications in pregnancy, what would you tell her?

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

You're not alone. You're not alone. There's probably someone you can relate to. And honestly, I feel like that's what Werk Mija. Like I said, relatable messages, brand. I think the work may have brand, and my personal brand has always been relatability. How can we relate? Because I think when you can relate, connect, that is just so powerful.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

I love how you tied that all together because I, I think that is so powerful. Oh my gosh, yes. and I know that, we have been taught to not. Share our stories. Right. Especially as,

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

and all of the, those sayings. Right. And I think that, again, if, if we just want to heal from these lived experiences, it's definitely important to relate to another person to share. And because you never know, like you said, you're, you're not alone. And I love it. And so I have one last question for you that I did not prepare you because it's my, last question that I ask my guests here, how are you redefining Madre

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Oh fuck. I feel like the whole word, this has been a big word within this whole conversation, just being very intentional, leading with intention, not doing things. Not because they're supposed to be that way, but like leading with what feels right for you and your family. You know, I. Uh, there's a lot of older generations of moms who did things a certain way. And I think especially with my generation of moms and younger you know, there's just so much more research and studies and just so much more information. You know, we're kind of learning that the ways things are done, probably not the safest, probably not the best, and I know a lot of old school grandmas and stuff will push that, you know, and make you feel like this is how you're supposed to do, but like. Do what feels best for you and for your children and your family, and just be intentional about whatever your decisions are.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

And that itself is empowering to do that. Like that's when you. You know, just kind of going back to my coaster, like, no miha like you, you just work it, right? Like you lead with intention. And I think that can also be reflected in the way that we mother, right? In the way that we wanna raise our, our children. And I think there's definitely a lot of conversation about like, mujeres being a force. You know, we are jefas and all of this, then as soon as we become moms, it's like, oh. We're gonna retract that, and it's like, no,

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

still do this. And I love that you mentioned how, like you are still being intentional about, you know, the way that you wanna raise your kid, because I think

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

So kudos to you and, and kudos to, the work that you're doing at Werk Mija, so Xochitl, where can people follow you and buy your products?

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Yes, for sure. So anyone you can shop online at werkmija.com. That's WERKmija.com. And you can also follow us on social media, uh, wherever you. Like to hang out at Instagram, Facebook, TikTok@werkmija, WERK. And if not, if you're in the Chicagoland area, you can also shop a bunch of our products at Mestiza Shop in Pilsen and or we are now located in Yo Soy Vela Candles here in Garfield Ridge. But like I said, since 2024, we've been growing our wholesale. So we're in a lot of shops in like Texas, California. You Go to our website. You can see where you can find Werk Mija.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Congratulations, Xochitl, and thank you so much for sharing your story. It's so important, just to. let women break the silence, right? So that that way we can normalize this conversation, we can normalize that every birth story is unique. It could be a little different than you would think it is, but I think that it's a matter of just being in full support with, with the mamas and. And to also recognize that their birth

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

Mm-hmm.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

as well. So thank you so much

xochitl--her-_1_06-03-2025_192832:

break the silence. Break the cycles.

jessica_1_06-03-2025_192838:

Yes.